Reply to Effective strategies for getting DH to pull his weight

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A few things, OP.  One is that people are different, and not everyone is a multitasker.  You say above that if he stays with the children he makes literally no contribution to the household, like a meal cooked or a house project finished.  Well, I am like that.  If I am watching kids, I am probably not going to get anything else done - my brain just can't manage all that happening at once.  That just may be the way your DH's brain works.

Second, when you describe your morning that was so frustrating, while your DH was feeding the kids eggs and toast, you were upstairs cleaning?!?  Cleaning is what needs to be done when you all are in a rush?  That sounds crazy to me.  As you say, you get depressed when your standards are not met, so maybe it's depressing to you to leave a house when bedrooms aren't tidy or whatever.  But that doesn't mean that your DH's approach is WRONG.  I'd certainly prioritize a breakfast of eggs and a messy house over a breakfast of granola bars and a tidy house.  You make it seem like there's one right way of doing things, and his is wrong.

I'd suggest the book, "Is it you, me, or adult ADD?" and maybe working with a couple's counselor who is very familiar with ADD and can actually coach you guys.[/quote]

This isn't an issue of multi-tasking.  Children need the undivided attention of their parents for some part of the day.  How long they need this depends on their personality and the level of engagement and empathy of the parent.  A person who praises themselves for being able to "watch the children", is doing just that - watching not engaging.

I think you are doing the right thing.  Children can demand an awful lot and even though some children do not appear to be very demanding, the level of engagement of the parent still matters a lot in their development.  Keep it up.
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