Reply to My former girlfriend wanted to hurt me so she trash talked me to my fiance

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[quote=Anonymous]This comes up on this forum every few months, and every time, it devolves into "Why aren't you willing to experiment with him? You're playing it safe, you former hussy!"

OP, your past is your business. You can choose to tell him, but you absolutely do not have to answer his demands for full disclosure. You can tell him, "I'm sorry that I was not forthcoming with you about the details of my sex life with _____. That's a time in my life that I was glad to leave behind, in favor of the future I see with you." His need for numbers and details is kind of disturbing to me, because I cannot see what use that information would be.

My husband and I both have fairly checkered sexual pasts. We've both had threesomes. We've both had one night stands. We've both had a lot of partners (20+). Our sex life is sometimes experimental, sometimes quite vanilla. It is not about what we did with other people, though. Neither of us feels like we must go out and have threesomes or do crazy sexual gymnastics simply because we have, in the past, done those things. We relate to each other based on the here and now. Occasionally, one of us will mention something from our pasts that turns the other's head, but when that happens, we talk about it like adults. It doesn't turn into an interrogation about what we did, and where, and with who, and whether we want to do it again.

I'm glad that you have figured out what kind of romantic and sexual relationship you want in the future. If you had entered this relationship and been slightly more upfront about your past ("I had some wild times with ____, but that's something I have chosen to leave behind.), it's likely that things would be different now. Unfortunately, he may not be okay with your refusal to tell him everything. It might be the thing that kills your relationship.

Which is not entirely a bad thing. Realistically, even if you tell him every gory detail now, that information won't make him feel any better about you now. It might actually make him feel worse, and for years to come, any time you're not interested in doing exactly what he wants sexually, he may think of this issue and blame it for (otherwise normal) sexual ups and downs.[/quote]

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