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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I get that this is upsetting - i do.

But what others are meanly saying is that [b]you're deflecting - your anger and hurt from the news of your grandmother is being channeled to this particular SIL incident.

[/b]Is she a bitch? Probably.  Does she not give a damn about you and your pain?  Probably.

Is there anything to be done about it?  Probably not.  You can tell your husband.  But if she's a young, immature, pampered B, you can't force hr to have empathy.

Just rise above.  Be cool and calm and confident around her.  Vent to a trusted friend.  What else can you do?  [/quote]

This is an excellent post above. OP, I'm sorry about your grandmother--I feel for you because I've been there, getting horrible news when there are tons of people around (last year, we got the call one hour before hosting Thanksgiving dinner that my FIL overseas had died --not a gigantic surprise, as he'd been in very poor health a long time, but certainly not exactly expected either).

OP, I agree that because your SIL stumbled into your moment of sadness, it seems likely that you might be transferring some of that anger and pain onto her. Yes, she was dumb and rude (even if you had not been getting bad news, it's still rude to sneak up on people to take photos of them just doing everyday things without their knowing you're there). But I would bet that SIL had totally forgotten anything you said earlier about your grandmother's illness, or possibly expecting bad news that day, and probably did not even notice your tears until you spoke to her - she was just trolling the house, bored, taking pictures at that one awful moment. It wasn't her trying to photograph your grief intentionally, but it does feel that way. But you're letting it eat at you when maybe what's eating at you much more is the bad news you received.

Please don't give SIL any more of your mental real estate. She, and the incident, just don't deserve that level of attention from you--you're not close, you're not even friendly, she didn't betray a trust because she's not someone you trust at other times anyway. Let that space be filled up with precious, positive memories of your grandmother instead. You can choose how much of your own energy and emotion and mental space you give this one tiny incident and this jerky SIL. Choose not to give her all this intense attention. I'd take this energy and direct it toward your own family, travel if that's what you need to do at this time, etc.[/quote]

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