Anonymous wrote:I get that this is upsetting - i do.

But what others are meanly saying is that you're deflecting - your anger and hurt from the news of your grandmother is being channeled to this particular SIL incident.

Is she a bitch? Probably. Does she not give a damn about you and your pain? Probably.

Is there anything to be done about it? Probably not. You can tell your husband. But if she's a young, immature, pampered B, you can't force hr to have empathy.

Just rise above. Be cool and calm and confident around her. Vent to a trusted friend. What else can you do?

This is an excellent post above. OP, I'm sorry about your grandmother--I feel for you because I've been there, getting horrible news when there are tons of people around (last year, we got the call one hour before hosting Thanksgiving dinner that my FIL overseas had died --not a gigantic surprise, as he'd been in very poor health a long time, but certainly not exactly expected either).

OP, I agree that because your SIL stumbled into your moment of sadness, it seems likely that you might be transferring some of that anger and pain onto her. Yes, she was dumb and rude (even if you had not been getting bad news, it's still rude to sneak up on people to take photos of them just doing everyday things without their knowing you're there). But I would bet that SIL had totally forgotten anything you said earlier about your grandmother's illness, or possibly expecting bad news that day, and probably did not even notice your tears until you spoke to her - she was just trolling the house, bored, taking pictures at that one awful moment. It wasn't her trying to photograph your grief intentionally, but it does feel that way. But you're letting it eat at you when maybe what's eating at you much more is the bad news you received.

Please don't give SIL any more of your mental real estate. She, and the incident, just don't deserve that level of attention from you--you're not close, you're not even friendly, she didn't betray a trust because she's not someone you trust at other times anyway. Let that space be filled up with precious, positive memories of your grandmother instead. You can choose how much of your own energy and emotion and mental space you give this one tiny incident and this jerky SIL. Choose not to give her all this intense attention. I'd take this energy and direct it toward your own family, travel if that's what you need to do at this time, etc.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone for the advice, I just needed to vent. I did end up telling DH about it, and felt better getting it out. The reason I mentioned snapchat me crying is because that is what SIL does all day long. It's her favorite thing to do and she spent the entire day out with us snapping pictures of (her words) fat people, gross people, poor people, etc. She puts their pics on snapchat and like I said her and her shitty friends laugh at strangers for fun. This isn't a budding artist who had to capture a beautiful moment. This is a self centered little asshole who has been spoiled her entire life. I fight with her constantly about her use of the n word, or calling people just walking by "fat cows." I even stated earlier in the day that fall was my favorite people watching time because of the cute outfit ideas I got, to which she replied she would never dress like the poor, basic peoplle. She's 26. She was being a bitch. I've moved on, and will just wait for the next rude wave from her to come rolling in. It always does.

Uggghhh.... I was WAY off with my advice! Sorry, OP, but she sounds like an absolute nightmare. Grey rock her as much as you can and never let her know she's pissing you off. She will continue to use it against you if she knows she can. Sounds like she has ASPD or some other garden-variety personality disorder that causes her to lack basic empathy. Don't expect anything from her and you won't ever be disappointed.

And sorry if I sound like I've already decided to hate her, my husband has been my best friend since middle school. I've known his sister since she was 7, this is not a snap judgement or me being a pushy wife. This is a toxic little rich girl who is gonna hopefully some day soon grow the f up.

Thanks everyone for the advice, I just needed to vent. I did end up telling DH about it, and felt better getting it out. The reason I mentioned snapchat me crying is because that is what SIL does all day long. It's her favorite thing to do and she spent the entire day out with us snapping pictures of (her words) fat people, gross people, poor people, etc. She puts their pics on snapchat and like I said her and her shitty friends laugh at strangers for fun. This isn't a budding artist who had to capture a beautiful moment. This is a self centered little asshole who has been spoiled her entire life. I fight with her constantly about her use of the n word, or calling people just walking by "fat cows." I even stated earlier in the day that fall was my favorite people watching time because of the cute outfit ideas I got, to which she replied she would never dress like the poor, basic peoplle. She's 26. She was being a bitch. I've moved on, and will just wait for the next rude wave from her to come rolling in. It always does.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you don't like her to begin with. She went to take a picture of you. She did not know you were in a moment of crisis. She's not a bitch just because she went to snap a pick of you and coincidentally you were having a bad moment. For god's sake, you sound so high maintenance.

+1


Obviously you guys have history. But don't go looking for a fight. There's really no point. Leave it alone. In this moment, she didn't do anything wrong.

Agreed!

I completely disagree with the PP who thinks she wants your attention and admires you. What? Do you have siblings? Sisters? Live on planet earth and regularly interact with humans?

Like to take random photos of people, especially family photos. People are too posed and instagram perfect these days. it's nice to have photos of people as they are.
I wouldn't bring it up to your DH, he might support you, but it's likely it will turn into some big family thing, and more often than not daughters trump sons and DILs


She did not take your picture as requested. Maybe her laughing wasn't malicious, but her attempt to show she meant no harm by the photo.
Just try to let it go OP.
I hope your grandmother continues to do well.

PP here and I DO have a younger sister and lots of younger female cousins. People don't always wear their feelings on their sleeve and this girl may actually like her SIL but be put off by the SIL's obvious dislike of her or bitchy demeanor in general. SIL may have a reputation in DH family she's unaware of. Some of my younger cousins have acted strange and a little shady toward me at first to feel me out (I'm the family scapegoat and known as a major bitch because of my direct and honest manner) until I was friendly and welcoming toward them. I've had to look them in the eye and enforce boundaries but also let them know there was no reason to cause a problem with me. SIL was obviously following her SIL around to catch her alone on the phone. I don't think it was to terrorize and catch her looking bad on a picture. Maybe, but it could be that she wants to connect with her outside of the family dynamic at play.

Just a differing opinion...

Fair enough.
It's true we only have OP's side of the story.
For all we know SIL went inside to use the toilet or grab a snack and happened on OP and spontaneously decided on a picture.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you don't like her to begin with. She went to take a picture of you. She did not know you were in a moment of crisis. She's not a bitch just because she went to snap a pick of you and coincidentally you were having a bad moment. For god's sake, you sound so high maintenance.

+1


Obviously you guys have history. But don't go looking for a fight. There's really no point. Leave it alone. In this moment, she didn't do anything wrong.

Agreed!

I completely disagree with the PP who thinks she wants your attention and admires you. What? Do you have siblings? Sisters? Live on planet earth and regularly interact with humans?

Like to take random photos of people, especially family photos. People are too posed and instagram perfect these days. it's nice to have photos of people as they are.
I wouldn't bring it up to your DH, he might support you, but it's likely it will turn into some big family thing, and more often than not daughters trump sons and DILs


She did not take your picture as requested. Maybe her laughing wasn't malicious, but her attempt to show she meant no harm by the photo.
Just try to let it go OP.
I hope your grandmother continues to do well.

PP here and I DO have a younger sister and lots of younger female cousins. People don't always wear their feelings on their sleeve and this girl may actually like her SIL but be put off by the SIL's obvious dislike of her or bitchy demeanor in general. SIL may have a reputation in DH family she's unaware of. Some of my younger cousins have acted strange and a little shady toward me at first to feel me out (I'm the family scapegoat and known as a major bitch because of my direct and honest manner) until I was friendly and welcoming toward them. I've had to look them in the eye and enforce boundaries but also let them know there was no reason to cause a problem with me. SIL was obviously following her SIL around to catch her alone on the phone. I don't think it was to terrorize and catch her looking bad on a picture. Maybe, but it could be that she wants to connect with her outside of the family dynamic at play.

Just a differing opinion...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you don't like her to begin with. She went to take a picture of you. She did not know you were in a moment of crisis. She's not a bitch just because she went to snap a pick of you and coincidentally you were having a bad moment. For god's sake, you sound so high maintenance.

+1


Obviously you guys have history. But don't go looking for a fight. There's really no point. Leave it alone. In this moment, she didn't do anything wrong.

Agreed!

I completely disagree with the PP who thinks she wants your attention and admires you. What? Do you have siblings? Sisters? Live on planet earth and regularly interact with humans?

Like to take random photos of people, especially family photos. People are too posed and instagram perfect these days. it's nice to have photos of people as they are.
I wouldn't bring it up to your DH, he might support you, but it's likely it will turn into some big family thing, and more often than not daughters trump sons and DILs


She did not take your picture as requested. Maybe her laughing wasn't malicious, but her attempt to show she meant no harm by the photo.
Just try to let it go OP.
I hope your grandmother continues to do well.

taklk to your DH. its not to late and clearly it bothers you. I'm surprised so many people are blowing this off. SIL sounds absolutely horrible. Maybe you're not a picnic youself, I don't know. There isn't enough info here to say one way or the other, but taking a pic of someone crying is wrong on so many levels.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you don't like her to begin with. She went to take a picture of you. She did not know you were in a moment of crisis. She's not a bitch just because she went to snap a pick of you and coincidentally you were having a bad moment. For god's sake, you sound so high maintenance.

+1


Obviously you guys have history. But don't go looking for a fight. There's really no point. Leave it alone. In this moment, she didn't do anything wrong.

I'm going to have a different response than some of the PP and say SIL wants your attention. She is just too socially awkward to go about about creating a healthy friendship with you in the right way. Some people are like this and only know how to get negative attention. You are probably expecting too much from someone who spends a lot of time on Snapchat.

I'd even venture to say she admires you and probably wants you to like her but she may suspect that you don't. Is there a way to start fresh and be more like an older, and tolerant, sister towards her? Seems like it's the best approach because you'll have to deal with her as long as you're married to DH.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nothing. She probably didn't realize what had happened.

This. Maybe she thought you looked really nice or something and didn't realize that you were having a difficult minute. It's not like she knew you got bad news. She handled your request really well. I don't see that this is anything to get upset about.

I agree. Sure she may have known but perhaps she found you beautiful in the moment.

Op,

What would I do? I would be mad for a few days and then let it go. People make mistakes. If this is all she has done, let it go.

You don't laughingly take a picture of someone crying. That is just weird and wrong for SIL to do that. What on earth?

Anonymous wrote:What are you PPs TALKING about? She should be more grateful she even HAS a grandma? That is beside the point!!

SIL was being super weird. Who takes a picture of someone without that person's knowledge? Fucking weird and creepy.

Being "super weird" doesn't mean malicious. SIL did something weird and awkward, but it doesn't sound like she was deliberately trying to be hurtful.

People are mentioning the gratefulness of having had a grandma, because it sounds like OP is grieving, and taking out her grief on SIL. Remembering how lucky you were might help to re-direct that grief, instead of taking it out on weird/awkward SIL.

What are you PPs TALKING about? She should be more grateful she even HAS a grandma? That is beside the point!!

SIL was being super weird. Who takes a picture of someone without that person's knowledge? Fucking weird and creepy.