Reply to I need help not thinking about divorcing my husband.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

OP - If your insurance will cover counseling, then I would suggest you in a calm manner share your concerns about him and yourself and suggest that it would be positive to have a neutral person help both of you flesh out your feelings and concerns and come up with a plan because right now things are not working.  Also in his field is he doing activities which could help him make connections?  The other aspect is that if he is not working in his field why can't he sign up to be a substitute teacher?  Why can't he use his skills set in volunteering with a non-profit.  Whether he is depressed or lazy, he needs to create a daily/weekly routine of activity that will get him moving:

- to continue to actively look for a job
- to do something positive/productive that he can talk to you about
- to carry his part of child care/household/yard tasks - with so much free time now
- to stay physically fit

In the discussion if he will not carry the load of household tasks, then offer him the choice as mentioned of at least picking up the kids at daycare, getting dinner ready and caring for them at night.  If he is unwilling to share some sort of an arrangement on tasks, this will be a real flag for you.  But right now it is true you would be the one to suffer financially
the most.  I do hope that you are in charge of the finances because right now the level of trust in him is just lacking.[/quote]

+1.  I also think it is fair to emphasize that you are a team and that means you back each other up.  If you started a new job that wasn't very flexible, you would like to think that if he could he would shift to doing some of the pickups or help come up with a workable solution for both of you and. With his old schedule and  job location, you took on both dropoff and pickup instead of splitting it even though it makes your day that much longer, but did it because it would have been even more work for him to do so.  If he no longer has the same commute and is in a position to do more with the kids he should be willing to help lighten your load.[/quote]

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