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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I sympathize -- I have a 21 year old SD who dropped out of CC and is drifting.  The sort of good news is that yours seems to place some value in settling down, having a home and family.  (As opposed to say, doing drugs and partying indiscriminately.)

A few thoughts:

1) A learning disability should not prevent her from having a career.  Maybe it won't be an academic career, but she could do SO many other things that don't require college.  Have you talked to her about what her strengths are, what she enjoys doing, what she sees her life looking like?  She could be a vet tech, a chimney sweep (I'm not kidding, it's a great field), a dog trainer, an HVAC technician, a day care provider, a companion to the elderly - there are SO SO many options that don't require college.  You need to focus on how she is going to support herself, not sewing a button.

2) Make sure she has household responsibilities and a budget now, while she is in your home.  Do you support her financially now?  She's 18; make sure some bills such as her cell phone are in her name.  Make sure she pays her percentage of your car insurance, etc. so she gets used to budgeting.

3) If you still support her now, require her to use budgeting software for spending her "allowance" or whatever it is.  I'd require a weekly budget meeting to go over it.  You Need a Budget (YNAB) software is really good for this.  Make sure she has a checking account and starts paying some bills from it.

4) Encourage them to do premarital counseling.  Offer to pay for it if necessary.

It's not the end of the world if your SD is married for a few years and gets a divorce.  It would be much, much worse if she got married and never worked and got a divorce 15 years later.  I know it's hard as the stepmom - you don't have as much influence as a parent - but this young woman clearly needs more support to help find her life goals.

How about offering to pay for her to see a counselor herself, particularly a good career counselor?  I had some pretty good luck at the Women's Center in Vienna for this.[/quote]

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