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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You know, there are unpleasant kids who get subtly excluded because they're unpleasant: obnoxious, unstable, excessively needy or demanding, prone to tantrums or tears, etc. You can require children to be courteous to one another, but you can't "make" them like difficult peers, and you can't make them want to play with or spend time with difficult peers.

There is real bullying in the world, but kids just not liking another kid and not wanting to play or work with him/her isn't bullying. It can be hurtful to that other kid, but it isn't appropriate to call it "bullying." Distinguish between intention -- what the law calls mens rea-- and result. Kids behaving hurtfully towards others for the purpose of causing pain are bullies. Kids who just don't like being around another kid and therefore try hard to avoid that kid can cause pain to the excluded kid, but it's not bullying.
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However, the most common kind of bullying after age 5 or so is social exclusion.  Many of the kids who are bullied this way are perfectly nice kids who may be less assertive or not have the right clothes or just are the victims of a screwed up child who likes manipulating others.  Mean kid begins as early as 3 among little girls, and if the kids are not appropriately coached, many of them get better and more subtle at it as they get older.  Their sole objective is simply to control and wield power.  Some are sociopaths.

Parents of children like this often blame the other kid for somehow provoking the bully.  It's a good way to keep the bully going on his or her path.   [/quote]

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