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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't know so excuse me if this seems to be a dumb question. If you have low libido are not able to perform other sexual task besides intercourse.[/quote]

No and I'm working on increasing that too.  But, DH knows that I don't get off on performing those tasks so it is something he "puts up with."  Kind of cuts into the motivation level. [/quote]

I'm sorry, but I don't understand what you are trying to say.  Did you mean BJ and HJ are acts YOU "put up with"?

Btw, would you want DH to perform oral sex on you on a night when he doesn't expect sex?  [/quote]

I mean he doesn't like the way I perform those acts because he knows I don't get off on performing them.  He "puts up with" my less than completely enthusiastic performance, I suppose.

Oral sex will always lead to sex for me...but, honestly, there are some days I just want to be left alone. [/quote]

Not the OP, but trying to understand.

Say OP wants sex twice a day.  Wife wants sex once a month.  How far in the middle are you or any other LL spouse willing to go?

I get that you wouldn't want to schedule sex b/c you can't predict when you'll have one of those days when you want to be left alone.  Could you guys develop a vocabulary on where you're at?  A way of taking a temperature.

You:  
1.  not in the mood.  don't you fucking dare touch me
3.  I'd love an asexual footrub
5. I'd totally jack you off
6.  Please let's have a quickie, I'll try to not look like a dead fish and I can look a little sexy so it doesn't feel like you're ***ing me (not trying to trigger anyone.  I'm a DW)
8.  Let's have sex and maybe it'll be okay to good. 
10.  I'm ready to rock it and this'll be once a month amazing sex

Him:  
1.  I'm totally fine.  I can masturbate in private and you won't even know 
3. Would you like an asexual footrub?  Then, I'll go masturbate privately and you won't know. 
5.  I'd really appreciate it if you could at least jack me off or watch me while I jack off or show me a boob or grab my cock and say go fuck yourself in a playful, sexy way
6. I'll initiate a quickie and accept how it goes.  If you initiate a quickie, I'll be game and I'll try to accept the dead fish posture and lack of smile
8. Let's have the once a week or so sex and maybe it'll be good, but my expectations are realistic and I won't push for mutual pleasure.  
10.  I might fuck the barista in my office building b/c I'm so profoundly unhappy and want to fuck anyone other than your complacent ass [/quote]

OP here - I like the list, but then again, upstream someone (rightfully) called me out as being childish and passive aggressive for announcing I was going to masturbate in the next room.  I have a very direct-problem solving style of communication that obviously doesn't translate well into nuances of solving sexual problems, so I am not sure this would work.[/quote]

Go to a marriage counselor for triage.  Show him/her the list and say based on who my wife is, how can I communicate this to her and vice versa?  [/quote]

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