Reply to Anyone divorce your spouse just because of lack of sex?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You have to realize that there is not such thing as divorcing purely due to lack of sex.

Few couples have exactly the same libido, all the time. If your relationship was healthy, you would be able to work out some kind of compromise that you could live with. If you can't do this, that's an emotional/relationship issue, not purely a sex issue.

[/quote]

Just like there are no gays in Iran, right?

It only takes one partner to sicken a relationship. A spouse's unilateral refusal to have sex or even attempt to compromise on frequency is going to cause a problem. Likewise, a spouse's refusal to understand that a mom/dad that works, has small kids, etc., won't be able to do it like they do on the Playboy Channel twice a day. [/quote]

Unilaterally refusing to discuss or work on ANY issue in a marriage is going to cause a problem. All these people complaining about sexless marriages just never seem to want to talk about WHY they aren't having sex. It's ALL about their deprivation, not what is going on in the other person's head. And the problems are all reduced to being 110% about lack of sex. No wonder their marriages are failing![/quote]

I don't think you have ever been in this situation, have you?  The typical pattern, repeated often it seems to me, is that the spouse who would like more sex generally speaking does ask WHY they aren't having sex, and the non-interested spouse resists conversation, and when pressed answers commonly given are some combination of "I don't know"; "It's not you, it's me"; or particular complaints that, when addressed, don't actually result in more sex -- this last scenario often repeats itself.  I think you should not be so judgmental, if you haven't been on the other side of this issue, you probably don't understand how painful it can be.[/quote]

I'm agreeing that a scenario where one spouse unilaterally withholds affection is screwed up. I am just doubting that that is TRULY the case in a lot of these situations. When partner a is mad at partner b for having too little sex and they bring it up it doesn't sound to me (from the way I hear about here) that partner a asks things like 'hey I notice we aren't as affectionate as we used to be and there seems to be distance growing in the marriage. what's up? lets talk it out.' It sounds like partner a says, 'you aren't meeting my sexual needs, we need to work on that.' If partner b is not into it because of a whole host of other relationship issues than that approach isn't going to get them to open up and talk about it. The tone of I-don't-get-enough-sex spouses on DCUM seems to me to be a very selfish one. They don't talk about the broader scope of the marriage generally, they don't talk about their spouse's feelings, they don't speculate on what could have dropped the spouses' interest, they talk about the libido differential and how its unfair.

I'm not saying that being rejected by a spouse isn't extraordinarily painful. I think it absolutely must be. And I think if it happens than evaluating the entire marriage as the living breathing thing it is and not focusing on the fact that you didn't get your rocks off that one night is more productive. And if it turns out you DID marry someone who is just either a) a total ahole who is withholding on purpose or b) had a legitimate physical drop in libido that they cannot change, then discussing and executing a divorce seems like a practical, if painful, solution. Sitting around whining about it all day and night on a message board (which is what feels like 50% of this forum is) seems both counter productive AND self indulgent (to me).[/quote]

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