Reply to How do you deal with a situation that is affecting you but its really none of your business?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

Maybe it is time to give up the fantasy of substituting your BIL's deceased wife right now.   It is obvious that your new SIL and her kids don't "fit in"  nor do they seem interested in trying to.  Actually, they seem to take pleasure in defying your family's traditions.  It doesn't sound like a good fit at this time even if they are new, extended family (hopefully with time and maturity things will improve).

It is very generous of you to include your BIL's family at your family's vacation place since you get to see your dear nieces.  However, your wanting to include the new, blended family is causing havoc with not only you but your parents and that is not fair to them or anybody.

You need to concentrate on your relationship with your nieces and do girly things so that they can get the attention that they need.  If the relationship with the new SIL doesn't gel right now because she throws temper tantrums when her boys aren't included, too bad.  You can concentrate on doing some mom stuff with her later.

It seems that the problem is that your BIL has chosen someone who is not yet compatible with not only his daughters but extended family and you all should not let his choices disrupt your family get togethers.[/quote]

Thank you. I really needed to just vent. Its been a bad bad summer. I usually plan the family get togethers and I was sitting here planning my dads 75th birthday today and I honestly don't want to invite them but normally they would come to this. My dad would be disappointed to not see the girls and my BIL. They are very close to my side of the family since my family lives here and most of their family besides DH and his brother are spread out. I seriously got teary eyed trying to figure out how to navigate this for my dads birthday and honestly Ive got other things to do for it besides worry about these boys. Then we've got the holidays after that...ugh. Every winter after christmas we all go to the vacation home. BILs family included. [/quote]

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