Reply to How do you deal with a situation that is affecting you but its really none of your business?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You can't control other people, you can only control you. Expect the SILs boys to maintain the same standards of behavior as the rest of the family (once those have been explained of course) and then enforce them. If SIL cries to BIL oh well. And if he gets upset just stay calm yourself and say you of course you love the. And want them there as long as they comport with the general expectations.

Your BIL and SIL are being unreasonable and manipulative in their behavior to the detriment of everyone else.  Stop making excuses and accommodating it.[/quote]

And, yet, at the same time I can see how this sort of arrangement - going to a new stepdad's, brother's , in-law's house would be...daunting to a couple of awkward little boys.  [/quote]

+1. OP, your family sounds awfully in each other's business - everyone spends the summer together (all summer? really?) and Sunday dinners too? And these new boys have been introduced to the mix, and they don't like the same stuff as your kids do. And, how outrageous, they're fat and unathletic?

Give it a rest, and maybe let your kids meet the new boys on their own turf. You don't sound like you have anything on them in terms of bad behavior toward their new step-siblings; just that they are lazy and rude etc etc. I don't know how old these kids are or what ages you are used to, but tween and teen boys can pack a lot of attitude. That doesn't make them sociopaths. I'd give them space, drop the judgment on their weight and sportiness, and try to understand what this situation must feel like for them.[/quote]

No not all summer, people come and go. Yes, we have sunday dinner after church and again BILs family isn't there every week. We have them over a lot for dinner though because they (BIL and nieces) went through hell while their mother was ill and after her death that and our families are close.

I don't care that they are unathletic. I do care that their fat but just because its setting them up for an unhealthy life. What I care about is the times we are together they have to have nuggets and mac and cheese. If they don't they scream and cry and throw things. They also have to be playing games constantly, no matter what everyone else is doing yet their mother gets upset because they aren't being included.

They are 12 and 9, their step sisters are 6, 8 and 10. As I said earlier the 10 year old says they bully her and her sisters.

Really they shouldn't be allowed to ruin dinner or vacation, but I have not once judged them directly for being obese and unbending. I just had to vent here and get some advice on how to ignore it, because unfortunately this is what I have to deal with.[/quote]

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