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[quote=Anonymous]Dear OP,

My SIL feels exactly as you do about my mother and dad (her MIL and FIL) and undoubtedly she also has strong feelings about me and the ways I interact with my parents (who are hoarders, who are old and infirm in multiple ways, and who could be [from what I'm inferring] your inlaws.

I will always be grateful for the assistance she has tried to give my parents.  I am sure your BIL and MIL are also grateful.

But I need to say this as gently and as firmly as I can:  they do not want you in the space (I realize you're in Phoenix now and heading to SD soon) and they will *never* want you in the space.  Although you are family to them, right now your repeated questioning of their decisions and your ongoing offering to help despite being told :no" is almost surely alienating them, and it will become more and more uncomfortable for your DH, who needs your support.

Please back off.  Please.  For your own good, your husband's, and your extended family's, just back off.  No good is going to come of what they are now seeing as pestering and nagging and in fact, some harm will come, instead.  I understand you want to help, and I know hotels are expensive, but nothing costs as much as fractured families.  Leave it be, let it go, and know in your heart that you are right, if it helps, but use your head to understand that it's time to stop -- not just at the end of this trip but as you all move forward.

Good luck.[/quote]

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