Reply to I'm lost. DD told me she was raped.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Stop making this a lot you and focus on her. Get her to a dr and into therapy. That's a first step.

Does the rapist go to her school?

I'd schedule a meeting with the school counselor to discuss the issue and see if anything can be done regarding her grades/transcript. [/quote]

I'm not making it about me. I'm just wondering if my reaction gave her comfort. If others have dealt with this, just wondering what sort of reaction they would have wanted from their parents. I'm just hoping I didn't fail her even in this.

The rapist does not go to her school. She was at a friend's house and the boy was there. She hasn't seen him since. She knows him but doesn't want to reveal many more details and right now I'm not pushing it too much.

[/quote]This is a hard one.  When dd told us she had been sexually assaulted, it came out in bits and pieces.  We didn't hear the worst of it until pretty far in.  Plus it was the result of a manipulative secret relationship with a boy at school so the predator had set it up so it could be interpreted as consent by some.  We had her report it to the school but I don't think the school handled it as well as they should have.  I wish I had been more forceful with the school.  But I did warn them forcefully that they had a predator on their hands and they better keep a close eye on him.  I wish I'd been more angry on my kid's behalf -- but then, op, it sounds like your kid is afraid you will get too angry about it.

I'm just really glad she told you what happened because it will make dealing with the other stuff - hmm, maybe not easier but easier to understand.  I found out about what happened to my kid because we were talking and I said something about people knowing she was a good person.  She said that she wasn't and started telling me about the incident - which occurred while she was dating someone else.  She thought she was a bad person because she was assaulted while dating someone else!  That's how deeply this creep had gotten into her head.

Anyway, my advice is to tell her -- in case she has a hard time truly believing it, that it doesn't matter whether she had mixed feelings or she didn't say "no" vehemently enough, she was assaulted and it shouldn't have happened.  Tell her that you believe her and you're on her side.  Assume that she hasn't told you everything and you may learn more details later on.  But be on her side!

Good luck, OP, you sound like a good mom.  I wish you and your daughter the best![/quote]

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