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Reply to "If you grew up in a small town and escaped that life - do you take your kids back a lot?"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm your kid.

My mom was the one of 5 kids to "escape".  The only one to attend college.  The only one to find a stable marriage and kids (in that order) and a decent career.

We lived 3 hrs from her family.  We were the "city kids".

We went back to visit often - maybe not monthly, but at least 4-5 times a year, including a week or two in the summer.

Mom never expressed disdain for her family.  As we got older (teenagers), she did express a sadness that some of her nieces/nephews felt they had so few options in life that they saw no reason NOT to get pregnant at 16, start drugs, and drop out of high school.  She pointed out that their choices were really limiting their futures.

We had the advantage of being slightly younger than most of my cousins.  By the time I was a teenager, I could see the results of their choices: raising kids alone in a doublewide because they never married and couldn't get a decent job, jail, moving back in with parents, giving their kids up to Grandma to raise, and even an early drug-related death (leaving a 22yo widow with 2 kids).

I love the individuals - they are still family, and many of them are sweet, funny, caring folks.  But seeing their circumstances definitely made me grateful that my mom had managed to give me more opportunities, and made me want to continue on that path.  It was actually a great motivator for college.

Don't raise your kids to be elitist snobs.  Go visit your family, love them as family, and make them part of your kids' lives.  But as yours get older (15+), don't gloss over the fact that opportunities + choices and hard work can significantly affect your life path.  You've given them the opportunities, but it's up to them to do something with it.[/quote]

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