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[quote=Anonymous]Similar situation with my ILs, although they are in a large city.  We did have discussions with our kids (now 10 and 12) when their 19 yr old cousin had a baby without being married or having a good job.  We just explained that, no, you'd don't have to be married to have a baby but it's generally better for the family if you are and certainly to wait until you've gone to college and established your career.

We just spent the weekend with them and I can see that DS (12) is paying attention to our discussions (particularly BIL/SIL complaining about the kids dropping out of school, not moving out of the house, etc.) in a different way.  We don't usually discuss the difference in quality of life -- ILs home is very small w/ a lot of people in it and not very clean -- vs. our upper-middle class, spacious, and clean home.  They have in the past asked why the house is so dirty but I've just told them that it's hard to keep a house clean when so many people live there, the parents work a lot, and everybody doesn't pitch in to help.  So, it's really important to help out when we are visiting.  Their aunt is also pretty outspoken about the fact that dusting isn't a priority for her.

Kids aren't stupid, they can see the difference and draw their own conclusions -- go to college/grad school like mom and dad and you have the opportunity to live like this, drop out of school to have kids when you are 19 and you live like your cousins.  Also, regardless of income level you can make it a priority to take care of your home.  They know that they are absolutely expected to go to college or learn a trade after HS.  Seeing the life their cousins have without that is just an example of why and we don't need to spell it out for them by putting down their relatives.

We also have told them there are good non-college options, esp. learning a trade -- our relatives with the nicest homes are the electricians.
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