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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Single friend feeling left behind"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Please don't condescend to her by saying she will meet someone soon. A woman doesn't need to be married with children to be happy, so don't encourage her to "hold on" until she can finally join the blissful ranks of married women. Study after study has shown that single women are the happiest group of all; married women are the LEAST happy. The problem is that our society tells women that they are unfulfilled and selfish if they haven't snagged a man and popped out any babies yet. So please encourage her to expand her social circle to include more unmarried, child-free, happy people. Life is too short to be wishing it away waiting for a family. [b]- married mother of 2[/b][/quote] Easy for you to say. It is very lonely out there when all your friends are married and you are left in the dust. I'd rather see for myself if being married with beautiful children to love on and watch grow up is miserable. I'd like to take my chances, just like you.[/quote] Being married and miserable is 1,000 times worse than being single and miserable. And having kids and being in a miserable marriage is a special kind of hell. Yes, there are people who are married (with and without kids) who are happy. But being married (and having kids) didn't magically make them happy. You have to be the right person and find the right person and put effort into the relationship. Worse thing you can do is get married to the wrong person (or even the kinda right, but not quite right person) just because you want (need) to be married. OP- I know it sucks for your friend. I didn't get married until I was 40. The only thing you can do is empathize with her feelings (I know it sucks to be single). If she is really wallowing, you can probe, "What are you doing to change you single status?" (Anyone who is single and not online dating needs to STFU) and help her create a great profile (do some research on how to make a great profile). Remind her that it's not a race and the goal isn't to be married, it's to be happily married to the right person. And for some people it takes time to become the right person (I needed years of therapy to learn how to attract and be attracted to the right guys) and find the right person. As for me, I was 38 when we met and married at 40. Five years later we are still blissfully married. All my friends who married in their mid-30's are all now divorced or in miserable marriages. Yes we had Fertility issues because of our age. But it was all worth it to be married to the perfect guy for me. [/quote]
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