Reply to Deciding to have a second child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]I actually think that shorter gaps are easier[/b], though it all depends on your outlook. Personally I like having kids with similar needs/stages etc. [b]We had our three very close together[/b] on purpose and love it. Don't read about other families experiences ~ They mean nothing to you. You are over thinking it. People have been having multi children families since the dawn of time. You can too, if and when you are ready. You will know when you are ready because you will long for another baby. It really is just that simple. Good luck[/quote]

So how do you know exactly that spacing them close together is easier if you've never experienced a larger gap?

People have had multi-children families in very different circumstances than many of us have them today - often with ample extended family support and often with one parent full-time at home.  And let's be honest, women didn't have birth control.  There weren't a lot of options other than multi-children families for many women for a long time.  I have 3 too, but [b]it rubs me the wrong way to imply that everyone can just do it and figure it out and it's all super easy and people are overthinking things.  I couldn't disagree more.  I can't think of a decision to think about more than whether or not to bring another human being into the world and your family and your marriage[/b].

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I agree so much with the bolded. I have one (2.5) and am thinking about not having any more (original, vague plan, was to probably have 2). It bugs me to see so many people saying "just don't think too hard about it!" I get it-- I do. There's never a "perfect" time to have a kid, and you'll never be 100% sure you're making the right decision. But a lot of people just dive into it, and we so rarely [i]truly[/i] regret having a child, [i]once the child is here[/i], so it's easy to feel like we must have made the "correct" decision, though there's no way of knowing that. Parents of 2 or more are almost always going to say they're happy they had more than one-- parents of one are going to say the same thing. But what bothers me are all the people saying "don't think too hard, because I didn't think too hard, and it all 'turned out fine.'" It's called avoidance of cognitive dissonance and it's strong when it's about a life you brought into the world (and love dearly). And yes, that avoidance of cognitive dissonance comes into play whether it really was the best decision you could have made-- or if it, just maybe, was not.[/quote]

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