Anonymous wrote:This discussion came just when I was about to post something similar asking for insight. Husband and I have a one year old and want a second, but we're trying to figure out timing b/c I'm in my late 30s and will need to start Clomid again, if not attempt additional fertility options. If we started now, they would be two years apart but for me, that seems so soon. I'm really enjoying this time and don't want to have two potentially in diapers at the same time. Ideally, I'd like them to be three years apart but I know the timing doesn't always align. Plus, being older carries health risks and I don't want to be so old I can't enjoy future grandkids. Since we'll need to use fertility drugs, it could take a while so I'm trying to determine whether we just try and see what happens or wait a bit longer. Has anyone been in a similar situation?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think that shorter gaps are easier, though it all depends on your outlook. Personally I like having kids with similar needs/stages etc. We had our three very close together on purpose and love it. Don't read about other families experiences ~ They mean nothing to you. You are over thinking it. People have been having multi children families since the dawn of time. You can too, if and when you are ready. You will know when you are ready because you will long for another baby. It really is just that simple. Good luck

So how do you know exactly that spacing them close together is easier if you've never experienced a larger gap?

People have had multi-children families in very different circumstances than many of us have them today - often with ample extended family support and often with one parent full-time at home. And let's be honest, women didn't have birth control. There weren't a lot of options other than multi-children families for many women for a long time. I have 3 too, but it rubs me the wrong way to imply that everyone can just do it and figure it out and it's all super easy and people are overthinking things. I couldn't disagree more. I can't think of a decision to think about more than whether or not to bring another human being into the world and your family and your marriage.

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the same boat as the OP so following this thread with interest. My DS will be 3 next month. We are at such a sweet spot--yeah, he's a toddler and has "toddler" days, but he is so much fun, he's potty trained, he's a great eater and sleeper, and I just love spending time with him. It's going to be really hard to go back to everything being "work" again--nursing and sleep and etc etc etc.

I'm also totally reluctant to be pregnant again. I hated pregnancy. I know it's for a finite time but it's really hard to make myself take the jump to actively seeking to get pregnant when I know I dislike being pregnant. Still, I remember lots of sweet, happy times on maternity leave with my DS, long walks every afternoon, watching him grow...and think, 'Yeah, we could do it again."

Another concern (not totally rational) I have is that I feel like we got so lucky with a healthy, fairly easy, NT child that we couldn't possibly get so lucky again and I'm scared of how we'd handle a child with health concerns or special needs. I know this isn't rational, but it worries me.

If we decide to go for #2, we're going to have to just make a leap of faith, I think. And our age gap would be morel like almost 4 to almost 5 years apart.

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the same boat as the OP so following this thread with interest. My DS will be 3 next month. We are at such a sweet spot--yeah, he's a toddler and has "toddler" days, but he is so much fun, he's potty trained, he's a great eater and sleeper, and I just love spending time with him. It's going to be really hard to go back to everything being "work" again--nursing and sleep and etc etc etc.

I'm also totally reluctant to be pregnant again. I hated pregnancy. I know it's for a finite time but it's really hard to make myself take the jump to actively seeking to get pregnant when I know I dislike being pregnant. Still, I remember lots of sweet, happy times on maternity leave with my DS, long walks every afternoon, watching him grow...and think, 'Yeah, we could do it again."

Another concern (not totally rational) I have is that I feel like we got so lucky with a healthy, fairly easy, NT child that we couldn't possibly get so lucky again and I'm scared of how we'd handle a child with health concerns or special needs. I know this isn't rational, but it worries me.

If we decide to go for #2, we're going to have to just make a leap of faith, I think. And our age gap would be morel like almost 4 to almost 5 years apart.