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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, have you tried going to meetings? Al Anon.[/quote]

Yes. I did not find them particularly useful and have sought private counseling because of the many insidious ways growing up with a person like this affects the way I am as a person. I have my life together, have worked really, really hard to make sure my kids have a stable, normal, happy home life, but growing up with someone like this fucks with you in ways you don't see for years. I am terrified of change because there was no stability growing up. I hate unexpected knocks at the door and will freeze in fear if I hear one. For years I would immediately go on edge if I heard the crack of a beer can opening. I have a hard time spending money because she was so irresponsible with it. It can be really hard to rewire yourself to not engage in this thinking. 
 Objectively, she deserves everything they throw at her. 
Anyway, she's out. I spoke with her briefly. She blew a .17. She seems terrified of what happens next, which is understandable because it's going to be pretty bad. The only saving grace is that her three DUIs did not all occur within a 10 year time frame which in her state is when shit really hits the fan. Her last one was in 2001, so she might skate with some slightly less awful punishments (like still at least being able to drive to work only on a suspended license).One DUI, let alone three, is inexcusable. But personally, it is very hard to sit by and know your mom is about to really go through some bad shit. There's not really a good path out of this one. [/quote]

Oh good.  So she'll still have a legal driver's license when she kills someone.  OP, she needs the book thrown at her.  She NEEDS to be locked up for everyone else's safety.  I think it's sad that you are relieved that she might have an easier time of it.  You're right, growing up like this really has messed with you.  You need help too.[/quote]

I'm sure it's very easy to say that when it isn't your loved one facing a catastrophic series of events. I know she deserves them. It's my MOM. Not really easy to be happy about it. And she has no safety net - parents are dead, no spouse, no siblings. It's on me to worry about this while she goes through it. I'm also sad for my younger sibling who is going through the same stuff I did growing up. It's difficult. I'm glad for you you don't know what it feels like.[/quote]

I can understand that, but she could easily KILL someone.  What she could and should be facing now would not compare to the consequences of that.  Honestly?  She needs to be in jail.  She can't drink and she can't hurt anyone.   One of my best friends has a dad who has driven drunk for years.  I've sat with her while she worried and cried, knowing he was on the road and right out of it.  Hoping if he killed someone it was only himself.  You are in a horrific situation but you know what?  Even though she is your mom I don't understand relief at her probably being permitted to do it again.. putting everyone at risk.  Would you rather her in jail on DUI's or for killing someone while she was at it?  Would you rather visit her in jail or in the cemetery?

You need support, too.[/quote]

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