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[quote=Anonymous]Wow, people are really, really cold.  I took care of my dad for 2 years before his death.  I lived "rent free" in the house I grew up in.  It was traumatic and difficult and really, really hard work.  I couldn't have friends over or have a sex life.  But it was my choice and I didn't expect to be compensated for it.

I remember my asshole brother coming to visit once and when I said something like, "Elder care is exhausting" he was like, "Looks to me like you just sit around watching Wheel of Fortune with dad.  What's so exhausting about that?"  I never wanted to speak to him again.  I spent at least 30 hours a week calling doctors, driving him to appointments, making sense of his Medicare and health insurance paperwork, paying bills, attending every hospitalization and doctor visit because errors happened SO often, shopping for food, clothing, durable medical equipment, researching his various problems and possible treatments, preparing meals, cleaning, doing laundry, and simply keeping him company.

I'm really lucky that he died destitute because I never would have spoken to my brothers if they tried to compensate me at minimum wage for those hours or if they tried to claim that somehow I owed them $$ because I got to live there rent free.  (In my case, I kept my own condo with my own mortgage in another state because none of us expected my father to live so long, but it woudl have been even worse if I gave up my own place.  Living there rent free wasn't a perk.  It was necessary, and it was a HUGE sacrifice on my part.)

That said, it's clear that your DH's parents could have changed their will but didn't.  So I think the only fair thing would be to compensate your BIL for the increase in EQUITY in the home since he'd been making mortgage payments (look at the amortization schedule to see how much principal he paid during those years) and give that to him directly from the proceeds.  Reimburse him for any improvements as well if he has records of that.  Then split the rest equally.    Do NOT nickel and dime him for care that you think he gave.  You clearly have no clue how much work it can be, even with a mobile parent.  [/quote]

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