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[quote=Anonymous]I think I understand this, because my husband is from this kind of culture, and there's a lot of pressure in this matter. OP got caught up in a fantasy. In the culture she describes, it's an idealized notion and an obligation to have parents live with grown children and their families. All one big happy family, right? Except reality gets in the way. Some people should simply not live together. My husband feels terrible that we can't have his parent live with us, but because of personalities involved, it would be like fire setting up house with gasoline.

Plus everyone feels the guilt because long-suffering MIL still suffers. Her culture and personality let her stand by and take the abuse of her husband, and watch her child be abused. She'll never change, and she's just waiting for him to die.

OP's husband sounds like he's been working on setting boundaries, and she has no idea how hard that must be for him, because to set the boundaries that keep his father out, he has to hurt his mom. His father will be punishing his mother forever. But it's his mother's choice.

That doesn't mean you should have the man living that close to you, of course. You have to think of what's best for your husband, you, your kid(s). And tell MIL she's always welcome if she wants a refuge.
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