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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]20:41, thank you.  We have an excellent psychologist working with him on skill building.  I agree, as does she, that medication alone is not the answer.[/quote]

20:41 here-- Maybe this isn't your dilemma at all, but I found it easier to parent my son when I accepted his challenges. I'm not doing it perfectly, but I think our earlier battles happened, in part, because I was anxious about his behavior and eventual diagnosis. Now, I know why he does what he does, but I can also look back and see the strides he has made.

I think too, that I am more flexible in how I approach situations. I know that my job is to teach him coping skills and self-monitoring, and as I get better at this parenting thing, my actions for the most part, reflect the big picture.

Not sure if someone mentioned this to you, but try Ross Greene's "The Explosive Child" and "Lost at School." I had difficulty embracing his philosophy until I realized that traditional discipline often doesn't work (and can make things worse) for my son. [/quote]

How do you deal with other parents?  With teachers?  I am already tired of my child being labeled a "brat."  He is far from a brat.  He is a very caring child and he is fully aware that he can't control himself.  When he does something wrong he is immediately remorseful.  We are working to get the help and support we need for him and for us.  It is so hard to see him struggle, and other adults are often judgmental and mean, both to him and to my husband and I as parents.  You can feel the weight of it.  "Why don't they control that kid?  Why don't they discipline him?  If I were his parent I would [fill in the blank.]"  Or whatever other sanctimonious thoughts you can see going on behind their eyes.[/quote]

I have some friends whose children have special needs-- ADHD, HFA, etc. I talk to them and get perspectives.

We try to avoid judgmental people when we can. It's not always possible, and sometimes I do get angry especially when there is unaddressed bullying. I think when our kids are involved in controversy, there can (not always) be a tendency to prematurely place blame. I think it's because they regularly experience social bullying or contribute to situations that spiral out of control because they don't know how to walk away. Teachers get tired of it, and our kids don't always have the words to advocate for and defend themselves. At our school, my son will perceive something as unfair or incorrect. He comes across as argumentative when he is trying to defend himself, and gets in trouble for arguing--the original situation (maybe another kid broke the rules of a game or instigated a scenario to spin up my overreactive son) is never addressed. Social skills therapy, and yes, medication if it's severe helps with skill building and impulse control. The only permanent way to help our kids is building social skills. There will always be a bully or a crappy adult or a teacher who just wants our kids out of their hair.

I don't worry about other adults. I'm a mama bear, and I've gone through a lot to raise my son and meet his needs. I still have a lot ahead of me. Carrying a flailing, shrieking, biting kid out of the mall has made me less sensitive to people who don't get it. Try to find other parents who have kids with ADHD or other needs. They get it and you can decompress together while your kids play. [/quote]

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