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[quote=Anonymous][quote]Anonymous wrote:
OP, you remind me of my father. He was a great parent, worked his ass off, and had what could be best described as a demanding relationship with my mother. It was almost a joke that she had him by the balls by my siblings (we were in college/grad school when we noticed this occurring during visits home).

What we didn't know was that the divorce that he had spent nearly ten years planning. But when my sister finished her 2nd year, he basically sat the three of us down and laid it all out. He basically handed her the house, a chunk of his retirement account, paid alimony for 4 years and moved on. It was crazy, but I've never seen that man happier and we actually have a better relationship.

My mother is a complete mess. She went into blame mode and claimed he abandoned her after "forsaking her life for you kids." She is angry. Like angry, angry, angry. And she is unhappy but was kind of a grump about life (half glass empty and nothing is good enough mentality). She went back to college and is trying to find a job with no luck. She won't down size and is living on borrowed time in terms of financial planning. It's a mess and when you try to talk to her about anything -- even getting a therapist -- it's just a wave of rage.

I don't know how the man put up with it, but having had a kid and seeing friends struggle alone, I appreciate that he stuck with it and didn't leave when we were young.

Your mother sounds like a real piece of garbage. A warning to all men who even contemplate marrying demanding women.

Sorry for calling your mother a piece of garbage.
[/quote]

My mom has serious issues and chooses to blame others for her own unhappiness. She is a classic victim and it's sad because I can see as a mother how things went completely sideways for her and never, ever got back on track. She won't do the work and she's got plenty of people to blame. My sisters all refer to her as a cautionary tale. My mother spent most of our childhood wildly unhappy as a SAHM.  She claimed that she couldn't work because "her girls needed her at home." But you know what? We didn't. Who wants to spend years with a person who is unhappily suffering for "your own good." It's unhappy. And you bet each of us went clear across the country the second we finished high school to get away from her.

But what would have been worse? If my father had left. I can almost guarantee we would have been stuck with our mother primarily (as the SAHM and "primary" caregiver) and would have had even less of a stable, sane influence on our lives. His choice was a selfless one and one I truly appreciate. I wanted to put that story out there because you hear about adult children of divorce taking it hard. Not all of us do. Sometimes, we get it.[/quote]

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