Anonymous wrote:
Hmmm, this sounds pretty much exactly what my spouse told me last weekend (except I do most of the chores OP mentioned). I guess I am one of these demanding megabitches. Here's my POV:

-- life is suffering. Happiness is an exception, not the norm. Sensitive people are brooding. We do not approach life like a dopey eager golden retriever.

-- for someone who is way harsher on myself than I ever am on others, when I'm being critical I'm already factoring in caring about someone's feelings and toning it down. It may come across as harsh, but you have little appreciation for how harsh I'm NOT being.

-- I don't need you to go easy on me. You can be direct. I can own my mistakes, and handle criticism without thinking, "how could you?" So why can't you?

-- I simply do not understand the life OP envisions. Why do I have to treat my spouse like my boss -- someone to tell white lies to, someone whose ego needs constant massage, someone whose incompetence must never be pointed out? I don't understand this vision of marriage. That isn't respect to me. That's servitude, and fear of retribution.

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm, this sounds pretty much exactly what my spouse told me last weekend (except I do most of the chores OP mentioned). I guess I am one of these demanding megabitches. Here's my POV:

-- life is suffering. Happiness is an exception, not the norm. Sensitive people are brooding. We do not approach life like a dopey eager golden retriever.

-- for someone who is way harsher on myself than I ever am on others, when I'm being critical I'm already factoring in caring about someone's feelings and toning it down. It may come across as harsh, but you have little appreciation for how harsh I'm NOT being.

-- I don't need you to go easy on me. You can be direct. I can own my mistakes, and handle criticism without thinking, "how could you?" So why can't you?

-- I simply do not understand the life OP envisions. Why do I have to treat my spouse like my boss -- someone to tell white lies to, someone whose ego needs constant massage, someone whose incompetence must never be pointed out? I don't understand this vision of marriage. That isn't respect to me. That's servitude, and fear of retribution.

Anonymous wrote:
OP, you remind me of my father. He was a great parent, worked his ass off, and had what could be best described as a demanding relationship with my mother. It was almost a joke that she had him by the balls by my siblings (we were in college/grad school when we noticed this occurring during visits home).

What we didn't know was that the divorce that he had spent nearly ten years planning. But when my sister finished her 2nd year, he basically sat the three of us down and laid it all out. He basically handed her the house, a chunk of his retirement account, paid alimony for 4 years and moved on. It was crazy, but I've never seen that man happier and we actually have a better relationship.

My mother is a complete mess. She went into blame mode and claimed he abandoned her after "forsaking her life for you kids." She is angry. Like angry, angry, angry. And she is unhappy but was kind of a grump about life (half glass empty and nothing is good enough mentality). She went back to college and is trying to find a job with no luck. She won't down size and is living on borrowed time in terms of financial planning. It's a mess and when you try to talk to her about anything -- even getting a therapist -- it's just a wave of rage.

I don't know how the man put up with it, but having had a kid and seeing friends struggle alone, I appreciate that he stuck with it and didn't leave when we were young.


Your mother sounds like a real piece of garbage. A warning to all men who even contemplate marrying demanding women.

Sorry for calling your mother a piece of garbage.

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm, this sounds pretty much exactly what my spouse told me last weekend (except I do most of the chores OP mentioned). I guess I am one of these demanding megabitches. Here's my POV:

-- life is suffering. Happiness is an exception, not the norm. Sensitive people are brooding. We do not approach life like a dopey eager golden retriever.

-- for someone who is way harsher on myself than I ever am on others, when I'm being critical I'm already factoring in caring about someone's feelings and toning it down. It may come across as harsh, but you have little appreciation for how harsh I'm NOT being.

-- I don't need you to go easy on me. You can be direct. I can own my mistakes, and handle criticism without thinking, "how could you?" So why can't you?

-- I simply do not understand the life OP envisions. Why do I have to treat my spouse like my boss -- someone to tell white lies to, someone whose ego needs constant massage, someone whose incompetence must never be pointed out? I don't understand this vision of marriage. That isn't respect to me. That's servitude, and fear of retribution.

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm, this sounds pretty much exactly what my spouse told me last weekend (except I do most of the chores OP mentioned). I guess I am one of these demanding megabitches. Here's my POV:

-- life is suffering. Happiness is an exception, not the norm. Sensitive people are brooding. We do not approach life like a dopey eager golden retriever.

-- for someone who is way harsher on myself than I ever am on others, when I'm being critical I'm already factoring in caring about someone's feelings and toning it down. It may come across as harsh, but you have little appreciation for how harsh I'm NOT being.

-- I don't need you to go easy on me. You can be direct. I can own my mistakes, and handle criticism without thinking, "how could you?" So why can't you?

-- I simply do not understand the life OP envisions. Why do I have to treat my spouse like my boss -- someone to tell white lies to, someone whose ego needs constant massage, someone whose incompetence must never be pointed out? I don't understand this vision of marriage. That isn't respect to me. That's servitude, and fear of retribution.