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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here is how I handle it.

First I had to recognize that it was her, not me. When your mother is like this, you internalize this voice that tells you something is just terribly, inexplicably wrong with you and you aren't good enough in various ways. It hit me like a bolt of lightning one day in my late twenties, that there was nothing so terrible about me. She had been wrong.

Then you have to recognize that she will not change, and then you have to grieve. You have not had and will never have the mother that many others have.

Then you draw very strong boundaries. If you choose to interact, do not confide in her and do not expect any empathy or support from her. Keep everything superficial. Do not let anything she does or say go past your boundaries. Acknowledge that she's going to continue doing and saying things that make you feel bad, but you can learn to handle them.

Finally, become your own loving mother to yourself. Any time you are upset or feel you could use a loving, sympathetic mother's words, speak them to yourself. It's amazing. [/quote]

PP, this is all very spot on. Thanks for posting.[/quote]

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