Reply to Vent: clueless dh

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Vent: clueless dh"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. Reading this is truly depressing me. It doesn't help that we've barely spent any time together alone since our second was born.

To answer some questions:
I married him because I fell for him. And early on, I decided he was the one.
He is actually good with the kids and helps out a lot with our older child.
Yes, I do think he thinks the baby is more my domain. Hence I carry the baby and diaper bag most of the time.
No, he's not from a culture that doesn't help wives and with kids. But he comes from a family where that was the situation. And so did I.

He's selfish. It's something we've always fought about. I draw the line at calling him an asshole, but yes, he's very selfish. He's actually much better now with that then he was when I first met him. [b]I paid the bill on our first date. He kept procrastinating on proposing to me, so finally I proposed, he said, uh sure. He always steals food right out of my hand as I'm eating. He suggested I drive myself into the hospital when I went into labor, so he didn't have to come pick me up. I said, no, you need to pick me up. I carried my overnight bag into the hospital when I was in labor, with both kids. He even stuffed some of his own things into my bag and let me carry it. The first time I was in the hospital bed, in labor and dilated, he told me he was going to go out and get some stuff done.  I said, you are not going ANYWHERE.[/b]

He claims he doesn't do conventional things for me like open doors, carry groceries in, etc, because it reinforces the idea that women are less capable than men. And he doesn't want to send that message to his daughter.  He hates all conventional girl things, like fashion, makeup, anything pink, because he thinks these things serve to make women stupid and weak. So he's not your typical asshole.  He's something else entirely, but still completely infuriating.

How have I coped? Most times I live in this fantasy in my head, that I am single. So that I expect nothing from him, and if he does do something for me, it is a pleasant surprise.  A bonus.  Because the alternative would be that we would fight every single day and I'd be angry all the time. [b]And he fights dirty. If he feels attacked or criticized, his response is to hurt me as deeply as possible.[/b] So... We rarely fight. Yes, I know it's completely dysfunctional. But it's where we're at.  Also I think of that book "a thousand splendid suns" (abusive husband) and I am able to feel grateful for what I have.[/quote]
Oh my God OP. I know you have to cope for now but...please don't stop short of calling him an asshole. Read the bolded-  if all of this doesn't make him one, what would it take? I don't want to make you feel bad, but you can do better. I'm really sorry.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics