Reply to MIL gives us crap, gives SIL heirlooms

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]All objects from this family are memories of abuse. HE is building up these items to memorialize people who don't exist. His father, may well have been a somewhat nice person, but...this man clearly enabled MIL to abuse DH and treat him cruelly over the years. He wants that person's medal? That person is not the hero your DH holds him up to be.

Has he been to any therapy about his family?[/quote]
This is what I was going to say. Is he idealizing his dead father as a way to deal  with the emotional trauma of an abusive family? [/quote]

OP here.  I think you mean to say "idolizing", PP, correct?  Either way, I do not believe DH is ideal/idolizing his father.  FIL and DH are the only ones in the family that had anything in common.  FIL really supported DH's strengths, which is how DH became who he is today, frankly.  I do not know where DH would have been without his father.  Whenever FIL was home (not often), he spent that time with DH. MIL is/was SAHM, overwhelmed by all of their children (too many for her to handle, another post altogether).

I know it is easy to make assumptions, and try to arm chair analyze on an anonymous board.  Knowing the people involved, I would say that MIL enabled and contributed to whatever happened, and as PPs noted, this is MILs way of carrying abuse out further.

DH is perfectly justified in wanting to carry on FILs medals to FILs grandsons, by the son FIL was so close to. [/quote]
I meant idealizing. It's much easier to demonize the living and absolve the dead of any responsibility, but it's not always correct or helpful. [/quote]

OP here.  I am aware of this.  It is not the case here.  Even if FIL had been an SOB (he wasn't), he was all DH had.  FIL would have been supremely proud of DH.  [/quote]

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