Reply to Is giving up making your own money a bad idea for ANY woman? (philosophical ponderings)

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[quote=Anonymous]Yes, it's a bad idea. I see why it makes sense for some women to SAH for a few years, and totally get why people want to do that. But I don't understand staying home for several years at a time. It's not just about divorce, which statistically becomes less likely among college educated couples who marry mid 20s or later and have been married 10 years (which describes most of my circle), but underemployment, getting laid off, and death are much more likely. I've been shocked by how many people I know who have lost a spouse in their 40s. It's heartbreaking, devastating, but not really that rare. And these are healthy, fit people. I have a ridiculously athletic friend in her late 30s who out of nowhere discovered she has a brain tumor. Prognosis is good, but you just never know.

When my oldest starts middle school in a few years, I'll have been in the workforce for 20 years (working at least 4 days a week the entire time except for maternity leaves). I have an advanced degree and a great resume. I may step back, but I will definitely continue working in some capacity, either as an independent consultant or PT somewhere. I will probably ramp up again later. I don't think it's a good idea to step out of the workforce for more than 5 years, for anyone.

My mom was a great role model in that way. My dad was incredibly successful - a COO of a large national corporation. My mom stayed home for 6 years but when her youngest started first grade she went back PT (about 20 hours a week. Granted, we lived in less dense area than the DC area so her commute was 15 minutes which also helped). She kept up her teaching certifications etc. My parents have been married almost 50 years and are happy, but she's always worked once her kids started school in some capacity. She recently got a full time job opportunity that she ultimately decided to turn down and continue PT- it paid very little (though they retired in a very small town with very low cost of living) but if she needed it, it would have provided a steady salary and good benefits at least. I always want to be in a position where I can get a job.

I also think that when women leave the workforce entirely for years, they make it hard on themselves getting back in, meaning I've had many friends tell me they intended to go back once their kids started school, but they aren't confident and it's totally overwhelming to start from scratch applying for jobs. So it's a bit self-defeating for them and they put it off because they can. My advice to my two daughters is to get a great education, work hard, and if they do decide to stay home, have a plan for getting back in, in some capacity after a few years.[/quote]

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