Reply to How to Convince my Husband to go for a third

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No, I guess I don't. I don't see why when one person is "done" and the other isn't why the feelings of the person whose done trumps all others. We didn't agree on a number before we were married and I don't think its fair to ask me to suppress my feelings and not even talk about it at all. And if you read all my posts, my query came out of a desire not to win, or get my way but out of a desire to explore the issue further because I have a lot of experience with families whose husbands were not even on the fence, but actually opposed and wound up having a third and being so thankful for it. I don't see any discussion here in the joy of families, or the support additional siblings can provide to each other. I see criticism and accusations of selfishness. Honestly, if you've ever had a SN child, you realize that having one in and of itself makes you want to have a larger family because of the lifelong support siblings can provide to each other.  We have cousins with a true, lifelong SN child and her only sibling shoulders a tremendous burden and I know, because she's told me, she wishes her family had more children. But that's besides the point. I don't see children just as a time sap, energy sap, finance sap. I think having a family is what life is all about and I see having a third, IF, IF we BOTH agreed to it, as something that would be good for all of us in the end. But I'm not going to do it alone or make my husband miserable in the process, I just wanted to hear any thoughts. [/quote]

So what are you looking for from us?  Do you want everyone to tell you you're right and your husband is wrong?  That's what it sounds like--you don't seem to be reflecting on anything that anyone is telling you.  What all of us think about the joy of families, etc. is irrelevant to your situation, as are other families you know in which the dad didn't want the third child.  The only thing that matters is what you and your husband think here.  And I stick to my previous post that your husband's strong reluctance to have a third trumsp your desire for one.

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