Reply to I told my husband I want to start seeing other people.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It sounds like he wants a free pass to having had an affair.  OP, you have to ask yourself if you are willing to give him that free pass, or any forgiveness, at any point in the process or if you are always going to distrust or resent him.   If you are always going to distrust or resent him, then skip the drama and get a divorce.  If you have some idea of what he could do to earn your trust back, instead of harping about him about how he hurt you, then give him a path to forgiveness, something not quite a free pass.  If he refuses to do anything to earn your trust back, then, again, you probably have nowhere to go but divorce.

BTW, do you have kids?  If not, then I do think you should lean towards leaving.  Why would you want someone who doesn't want to make an effort to have you. [/quote]

OP- we lost a daughter who passed away from Cystic Fibrosis, and I have a teenage son, from a first marriage.  There are no custody disputes.  I think money would be agreed upon.  I have a good job.  He has a good job.

It has taken me a while to give up on this marriage.  After his affair I read all the books, tried to create a plan, tried to look at my part in things coming unraveled, but I was the only one doing those things.  He said that I was either going to trust him or not, and that it was my decision, but trust was lost forever.

It has become clearer after writing this, he has done nothing but pass the buck and whine how unfair it is that there are consequences, while trying to flip it in many ways, lastly by insisting on unearned trust and unrepentant forgiveness.

I guess I have no choice, but it is a hard step to leave.  I keep on wanting to negotiate something different so this isn't the final result.  [/quote]

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