Reply to Not Attracted to Obese Spouse

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So, I'm kinda wondering how the women here would react to a man complaining that his wife was fat and he wasn't attracted to her.

Would we get the same "be honest and deny your spouse sex until they lose weight"?

Or would we get, "how dare you fat-shame her, you must love her even though she is now a beached manatee"?[/quote]

OP here.  I wondered the same thing and very nearly tried to make a gender-neutral post for this reason.  I think part of the difference must be that women bear children, go through menopause, etc., which gives us more reasons to have fluctuations in weight.  Even then, though, I can't seriously think that my DH would be totally cool with me going from the petite woman he married to a 250-pound person, but maybe he actually would, which is why I feel awful that I'm not attracted to him.[/quote]

Exactly.  Women are just designed to carry more weight than men. I am a painter, and I can tell you that when you are painting men, you use lines, when you paint women you use curves, circles.  And that is even for an extremely skinny woman.  It's just that women are designed to be rounded, to be curved, to not have harsh edges.  Whereas men are designed to have those things.  Which is why it's much easier for men to lose weight than women. [/quote]

NP here.  My wife and I are both 44, she's slowly and gradually gone from a size 10 to 2x.  Borderline diabetic and I'm guessing she's over 300#.  She knows her weight is a problem and my primary concern is her health and while I still find her attractive, she is rarely interested in sex (maybe 10 times a year).  She gets fat-shamed by her family (i.e. you'd be SO pretty if you just lost the weight...).

I've occasionally brought up my concern for her health- it rarely goes well.  Despite my best efforts to make the conversation positive, she hears the fat-shaming narrative.

What should I do?[/quote]

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