Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, I'm kinda wondering how the women here would react to a man complaining that his wife was fat and he wasn't attracted to her.

Would we get the same "be honest and deny your spouse sex until they lose weight"?

Or would we get, "how dare you fat-shame her, you must love her even though she is now a beached manatee"?

OP here. I wondered the same thing and very nearly tried to make a gender-neutral post for this reason. I think part of the difference must be that women bear children, go through menopause, etc., which gives us more reasons to have fluctuations in weight. Even then, though, I can't seriously think that my DH would be totally cool with me going from the petite woman he married to a 250-pound person, but maybe he actually would, which is why I feel awful that I'm not attracted to him.

Exactly. Women are just designed to carry more weight than men. I am a painter, and I can tell you that when you are painting men, you use lines, when you paint women you use curves, circles. And that is even for an extremely skinny woman. It's just that women are designed to be rounded, to be curved, to not have harsh edges. Whereas men are designed to have those things. Which is why it's much easier for men to lose weight than women.

NP here. My wife and I are both 44, she's slowly and gradually gone from a size 10 to 2x. Borderline diabetic and I'm guessing she's over 300#. She knows her weight is a problem and my primary concern is her health and while I still find her attractive, she is rarely interested in sex (maybe 10 times a year). She gets fat-shamed by her family (i.e. you'd be SO pretty if you just lost the weight...).

I've occasionally brought up my concern for her health- it rarely goes well. Despite my best efforts to make the conversation positive, she hears the fat-shaming narrative.

What should I do?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, I'm kinda wondering how the women here would react to a man complaining that his wife was fat and he wasn't attracted to her.

Would we get the same "be honest and deny your spouse sex until they lose weight"?

Or would we get, "how dare you fat-shame her, you must love her even though she is now a beached manatee"?

OP here. I wondered the same thing and very nearly tried to make a gender-neutral post for this reason. I think part of the difference must be that women bear children, go through menopause, etc., which gives us more reasons to have fluctuations in weight. Even then, though, I can't seriously think that my DH would be totally cool with me going from the petite woman he married to a 250-pound person, but maybe he actually would, which is why I feel awful that I'm not attracted to him.

Exactly. Women are just designed to carry more weight than men. I am a painter, and I can tell you that when you are painting men, you use lines, when you paint women you use curves, circles. And that is even for an extremely skinny woman. It's just that women are designed to be rounded, to be curved, to not have harsh edges. Whereas men are designed to have those things. Which is why it's much easier for men to lose weight than women.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Exercise is a natural appetite suppressant.

Seriously?? I'm ravenous after a good workout

+1

I find exercise to be counterproductive in.that regard.

18:54, don't feel guilty. You were trying to make your marriage stronger by being honest vs. not saying anything and avoiding sex because you were turned off. It's just the approach that didn't work. Now that the issue is on the table, you need to figure out where to go from here. That'll depend completely on the type of guy your DH is.

Sometimes just focusing on a healthier family can help. All walk after every dinner. Apples out in bowl as snacks. No salty anything in bthebhouse. Work away from foods with sugar. Drink only water or milk at home. Beer or wine 1 night a week. Do these changes a bit at a time. People overeat cause many foods designed to overwhelm our senses. Also cause food feels like love and they don't think they're getting enough love elsewhere.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't recommend you tell your spouse you aren't attracted to him. I did this, and it changed our relationship forever. I think, sadly, this is something that you can't control. It has to be his choice.

Bumping. I wish I had read this advice, BEFORE I had a heart to heart with DH. It did NOT go over well, and we're in a worse position because of it. He cried, and said I was horrible for not being attracted to him because of his weight. Now what?!!

Anonymous wrote:My wife had a rocking bikini bod when we met but is now obese. The weight bothers me, but what is much worse is the depression that seems to be the cause. It has changed her to the point that she is really not a nice person.

Mine has become a pretty horrible person as well. She has gained weight for sure, a lot of it, but just doesn't look like she used to. Is not obese, but it's enough that it's not attractive.

She eats all night, brings chips in the bedroom, etc. and then says "I don't understand why I'm fat."

I just shake my head at this point. Clearly on a smaller scale it's something she can't control, so, I know it's not easy for a lot of people.

At 325 lbs, I seriously doubt he can FIND his dick.

OP, I don't recommend you tell your spouse you aren't attracted to him. I did this, and it changed our relationship forever. I think, sadly, this is something that you can't control. It has to be his choice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Exercise is a natural appetite suppressant.

Seriously?? I'm ravenous after a good workout

Same

Anonymous wrote:He should have gastric bypass surgery. Don't let all the hyperbolic haters scare you off. The vast majority of patients end up much better off.

+1

I think he should visit Obestityhelp.com and consider surgery.

Anonymous wrote:Exercise is a natural appetite suppressant.

Seriously?? I'm ravenous after a good workout