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Reply to "feeling hurt about husband and mother-in-law's behavior"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, your DH and MIL and the family dynamic sound similar to mine. Mine are not "southern" or "old school" but they've got the "narcissistic mom" and the "child of an alcoholic father" pattern down to a T. Here's what you've done wrong here: you've made it YOUR problem. You CARED. You cannot do this. It is what it is, it was like that before you came along, and it will be like that forever. You have to let it happen and just not involve yourself in it at all. MIL wants you to help with invites? Take a step back, b/c she's going to start playing some games. She is playing you b/c you are a normal person and you care. Really, you just have to live your life and control what you can control (your life, your children's life, your home, your relationship with your DH) and let all that other drama exist on some other plane out to the side, and don't any of it intermingle with any of the stuff you are in control of. Be as nice and as noncommittal as possible. It's tough, but eventually you get better at it. Even when my MIL compliments me now, I just say, "Thank you," and don't get pulled into her drama. She just uses it b/c the next time, she'll whiplash you with something mean or underhanded. Sorry, but that's just the way she is. [/quote] I totally agree - but it's not just the MIL. Even if OP disengages from her MIL, she is still married to her husband, their son. Unless her DH gets some serious help, he's not going to be able to cope being in the middle (which is what his mother will do) or support his wife up when his mother starts attacking. He needs to learn that growing up in an alcoholic home means you don't know how to cope with everyday stressors or conflict or have healthy relationships. They are stuck in a dysfunctional relationship, and they are sucking OP in. Because she is taking this on, they will bring her down with them. OP's DH needs to draw some boundaries with his parents now. It's a losing battle unless the DH gets on board. [/quote]
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