Reply to feeling hurt about husband and mother-in-law's behavior

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]thanks 10:44. I have the same issue. My FIL peed on the brand new carpet in my basement in front of my 7 year old cousin and her 3 year old brother. It scared them as they were playing in our playroom and he came downstairs, out of his mind drunk and started rummaging through snacks in the back storage room then unfastened his belt and pants. They were scared he was going to harm them.

My in laws are extremely judgemental so if someone else pulled this stuff they would keep talking about it.

My in laws live out of state so I don't know how I get feign illness for their party.

I can't stop crying this morning. I think that my husband was totally okay with throwing away $500 plus really irked me as well as how he always puts his mom, no matter how poorly behaved she acts first.

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OP, you and your kids need you to stand up to your DH RIGHT NOW.  It is completely unacceptable to have a drunk man pee in front of children.  Of course the children were scared.  This is completely unacceptable.  (My dad was an alcoholic and I loved him dearly, but he would NEVER be staying overnight in my home if he had ever acted like this.)

FIRST, you need to tell your DH that under no circumstances will his parents be staying with you this weekend.  If your MIL asks, you simply say, "Last time you stayed over here, FIL went to the basement, unfastened his pants, and peed in front of the children.  You and FIL will be staying at a hotel in the future."

SECOND, I recommend that you write your MIL a snail mail letter to let her know how you feel.  Keep it simple.  "Dear Mrs. Smith,  I am very hurt and disappointed that you chose to order invitations from a local printer after you know that I had put many hours of work and over $500 into ordering custom invitations.  You approved the invitations before I ordered them.  I had considered them a gift to you.  Since you are not using them, I would appreciate it if you would reimburse me for the $517.97 that I paid to order them after your final approval.  It is very frustrating to have spent so much time on a project, with your cooperation and encouragement, only to find out from DH that it was a complete waste of my time.  Thank you for your consideration in reimbursing us for this expense."

THIRD, you know your MIL is a POS.  Please let go of the need for her approval or cooperation or anything.  She will never like you, and that is a GOOD thing.  Keep as much emotional distance from her as possible.  Stop doing nice things for her.  Seriously, stop.  You keep putting your head into an emotional buzzsaw and wondering why it hurts afterward.  You can't control her.  Just stop stop stop trying to get her to be someone she is not.  She is horrible.  You are not.  Let her go.

FOURTH, I suggest individual counseling for you.  If your DH would be open to it, that would be great, but it doesn't sound like he is in a place where he sees how bad his family is.  For now, work on how to draw better boundaries to protect yourself and your family.[/quote]

I wrote this above, OP, but I take it back.  I would do 1, 3, and 4, but skip step 2.  Nothing is to be gained by #2.  And you set yourself up to expect a decent response from her, which you won't get.  But I stick with 1, 3, and 4.  [/quote]

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