Reply to Why did you marry him/her?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it can be a valid question, in a try to remember the good in your spouse way. But usually when someone asks it on here, it's clear that the unspoken subtext is, it's your own fault you're in this mess, you shouldn't have married such a losers you were just desperate and overlooked x y and z.[/quote]

Many of the problems I see cited here - other than outright abuse - essentially has to do with unrealistic expectations that one spouse expects from the other. I say unrealistic in the sense that some spouses are more inclined to take an active role in child rearing, helping out in the house, communicating, displaying empathy, being demonstrative, excessive spending, being short-tempered, etc.

Most of these apparent "shortcomings" can be identified during a relationship prior to marriage ...... the difference is that during courtship, one or the other partner seems willing to gloss over these problems because they have too much invested in the relationship and don't want to end it. But these areas of friction become magnified and less inclined to be overlooked or glossed over after a period of living together and the disillusionment commences and reaches a breaking point down the line.

So although it may not be constructive to ask why you married him/her, it is still very relevant because in most instances the signs were there but were not heeded.[/quote]

Aside from abusive situations, some people also actively work to hide an issue or side of themself that they don't want a partner to know about.  When evidence of that comes to light, it's shocking.  The person you thought you were marrying isn't the person you married because you were deliberately deceived.[/quote]

Which is why everyone should date for many years, until the sheen wears off and the everyday stresses come to light.[/quote]

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