Reply to Anyone figured out a way to be happy in a loveless marriage or is it always utterly miserable?

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Reply to "Anyone figured out a way to be happy in a loveless marriage or is it always utterly miserable?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
The noblest options are [color=red][b]celibacy[/b][/color], friendships, or open marriage depending on your libido, combined with pursuing [color=red][b]happiness[/b][/color] through hobbies, trying to be civil, forgiving, and understanding, and change your attitude, focus on other forms of love.[/quote]

few people could (long term) be both [u]celibate[/u] and [u]happy[/u][/quote]

This.  I think at the end of the day it would be difficult for both people to be both happy and celibate long term.  My parents "stayed together for the kids" and while my mom was happy being celibate my dad was not.  I think if you are going to stay together for the kids and you both really tried to fix the marriage and that just didn't work then you need to agree on sex if you are staying together for the kids.  Are you still sleeping with each other?  Is it okay to sleep with other people as long as it isn't an affair, it doesn't impact the children (I.e. No going off the grid where you can't be reached and no OW/OM calling the house etc).  What happens if you can't agree on this or a person backtracks from what they agreed to?

I think from my parents, my fear is that few people can really go 10-15 years married to someone where both people are out of love AND agree to not getting sex or love from another person.  Once you bring in another person there is the potential of STDs, pregnancy, the spouse having someone they have a shot at a real relationship and that other person (usually the other woman) pushing for a divorce so they can get married.  I fear that I would think I am doing the right thing but financially take the hit because he will get his half to start the new life with love of life and my retirement takes a hit because of all the changes etc.  I'm broke and alone and he is coupled up and not broke. I don't know that you can gurantee emotions that someone want fall in love etc with someone else. So the only way I would feel comfortable is to actually have the divorce settlement agreed to ahead of time should someone change their mind and decide to divorce I know financially what my situation would be.  I don't know if a post-nup could cover those sort of things.[/quote]

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