Anonymous wrote:Your expectations of marriage are too high. Lower them and you will be happier.

Sad people. I just can't relate to this kind of resignation and low standard. Maybe it is because I won the jackpot In my DH.

Anonymous wrote:Open relationships could open up a can of worms. If one spouse fell in love with someone else, why stay married? I think marriages should be like elections where you agree to marry for some term like 5-10 years and after the term is up, get counseling and renegotiate the terms. Or it should be like a job where every year you have a performance review and try to make improvements. People wait too long to try to make things better because it's too hard to communicate.

LOVE THIS!

Your expectations of marriage are too high. Lower them and you will be happier.

Open relationships could open up a can of worms. If one spouse fell in love with someone else, why stay married? I think marriages should be like elections where you agree to marry for some term like 5-10 years and after the term is up, get counseling and renegotiate the terms. Or it should be like a job where every year you have a performance review and try to make improvements. People wait too long to try to make things better because it's too hard to communicate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The noblest options are celibacy, friendships, or open marriage depending on your libido, combined with pursuing happiness through hobbies, trying to be civil, forgiving, and understanding, and change your attitude, focus on other forms of love.

few people could (long term) be both celibate and happy

This. I think at the end of the day it would be difficult for both people to be both happy and celibate long term. My parents "stayed together for the kids" and while my mom was happy being celibate my dad was not. I think if you are going to stay together for the kids and you both really tried to fix the marriage and that just didn't work then you need to agree on sex if you are staying together for the kids. Are you still sleeping with each other? Is it okay to sleep with other people as long as it isn't an affair, it doesn't impact the children (I.e. No going off the grid where you can't be reached and no OW/OM calling the house etc). What happens if you can't agree on this or a person backtracks from what they agreed to?

I think from my parents, my fear is that few people can really go 10-15 years married to someone where both people are out of love AND agree to not getting sex or love from another person. Once you bring in another person there is the potential of STDs, pregnancy, the spouse having someone they have a shot at a real relationship and that other person (usually the other woman) pushing for a divorce so they can get married. I fear that I would think I am doing the right thing but financially take the hit because he will get his half to start the new life with love of life and my retirement takes a hit because of all the changes etc. I'm broke and alone and he is coupled up and not broke. I don't know that you can gurantee emotions that someone want fall in love etc with someone else. So the only way I would feel comfortable is to actually have the divorce settlement agreed to ahead of time should someone change their mind and decide to divorce I know financially what my situation would be. I don't know if a post-nup could cover those sort of things.

Anonymous wrote:OP- find a good group of girlfriends: spend your free time with them, share your secrets with them.

Buy a good vibrator. Order is online if you don't want go to a store. Buy a detachable shower head.

Read good books

Drink good wine

Love to you.

THIS!