Reply to How do you develop a self-motivated child? A kindergartener who can work independently?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would look at what deficit he has that is keeping him from doing the work in class. Does he lose focus too fast? Have trouble staying on task? Take forever to find his pencil? I wouldn't assume it is a conscious behavioral issue or that it is within his capacity to change his behavioral without support.[/quote]

OP here.

His first response is to resist. I don't understand this. When he does this at home, I find a way to shake him from this thinking. For example, he gasped at the idea of doing some early-reading homework. It's the one where you sound out a three-letter word and match it to a picture (leg, web, wet). I went to Endless Alphabet on his iPad and we reviewed a bunch of letters and sounds. "See, you know this!" Then, he went to work on the reading task and was done within a few minutes. At school, he just has an "oh no" response and spends the assignment time avoiding the work.

I am listening to the poster who mentioned the achievement versus work ethic piece. Fear of failure. Maybe I do need to back off a bit in my expectations, or how I state them. Maybe I'm too intense. I'll look at that.

I found this blog post useful: http://joannagoddard.blogspot.com/2013/09/motherhood-mondays-six-words-to-say-to.html

Saying, "I like watching you work" is better than something more specific. I did notice that when I complimented the way he wrote his "e," he asked if there was something wrong with his "t." So, I get that he may be hearing criticism in my praise.

But, at the end of the day, he needs to do what the teacher tells him to do. I've explained that he just has to try. Even if he doesn't finish, he needs to start. I mean, come on kiddo.

Any tips on how to overcome this?
[/quote]

I'm the poster from before, and I should mention I have a child with some learning disabilities. I stand by what I said - what is happening in your example is that he doesn't know how to approach the work. You are providing support and scaffolding, it's that support which enables him to do it. A lot of subtle learning disabilities look like this - you feel like the information is already "in there" because the child has learned it, but there's some connection missing, or a skill deficit, which is why he can't do it on his own and needs help getting started.  I would of course try to be laid-back and uncritical, but I would also keep in mind that if it is happening at school it's likely to be something he needs help with, not just something about your style. It is very likely that with support he will eventually get it and be able to do it himself, but he does need that support - and I'd talk to his teacher about what she suggests.[/quote]

Also, when he resists - that's anxiety. It's not that he's defying your or the teacher, it's that he honestly doesn't have the skills he needs to start work. It may be too early to diagnose ADHD, but this behavior pattern is one that I have seen in kids with ADHD and executive-function disorders. You don't need to "come down hard on him," you need to give him the tools he needs.[/quote]

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