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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm on the stepmom side of this equation with a really hostile ex-wife of my DH to deal with (if anyone cares, I came into the picture 3 years after the divorce that she initiated, no infidelity involved) and I have found a lot of peace by completely disengaging as much as possible.

That means, no donuts.  Seriously.  The new GF is thinking WTF did this woman bring us donuts?  I just cooked breakfast!

Don't try to be pals.  Don't imagine a future for your daughter where they will be shopping together all chummy-chummy.  GF may realize that she is not at all suited to be a stepmom and can't stand the idea of sharing her life with the child of her husband's ex.

I would not work harder to pave the way for her to be your ex's wife.  If she can't handle being the girlfriend without hostility, it does not at all bode well for her future as a loving stepmom who is easy to co-parent with.

"Ex, I am uncomfortable with this conversation. I'd prefer it if you did not relay to me your GF's concerns about my relationship with you or others.  I do not want to be in the middle of your own relationship issues.  I will continue to interact with you and my DD's family in the way that I think is best for DD.  I will always be cordial and polite to your GF because that is what I want DD to see.  It is not my place to make your relationship more comfortable for your GF." [/quote]

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