Anonymous wrote:What is Boxing Day?

It's the day after Christmas. Google is your friend.

What is Boxing Day?

OP, I'm on the stepmom side of this equation with a really hostile ex-wife of my DH to deal with (if anyone cares, I came into the picture 3 years after the divorce that she initiated, no infidelity involved) and I have found a lot of peace by completely disengaging as much as possible.

That means, no donuts. Seriously. The new GF is thinking WTF did this woman bring us donuts? I just cooked breakfast!

Don't try to be pals. Don't imagine a future for your daughter where they will be shopping together all chummy-chummy. GF may realize that she is not at all suited to be a stepmom and can't stand the idea of sharing her life with the child of her husband's ex.

I would not work harder to pave the way for her to be your ex's wife. If she can't handle being the girlfriend without hostility, it does not at all bode well for her future as a loving stepmom who is easy to co-parent with.

"Ex, I am uncomfortable with this conversation. I'd prefer it if you did not relay to me your GF's concerns about my relationship with you or others. I do not want to be in the middle of your own relationship issues. I will continue to interact with you and my DD's family in the way that I think is best for DD. I will always be cordial and polite to your GF because that is what I want DD to see. It is not my place to make your relationship more comfortable for your GF."

Anonymous wrote:Why would you leave your DD alone with ex's girlfriend anyway? If ex is out of town, DD should be with you.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Ex DH needs to stop telling you what GF is pissed about. Full stop. That is between THEM and it doesn't benefit you or concern you at all what she gets aggravated about. Those are his balls to juggle and I would tell him so. "Whatever GF gets upset about and says to you, please don't share with me. After all, she prefers we only discuss DD. Your relationship is not my business." Not your circus, not your monkeys.

I completely agree with this approach. Your ex is feeding the drama. Tell him that if there are specific actions that would make DD's life easier or better you can discuss them, but that your conversations need to focus on DD. Stick with this, although don't repeat it often, just don't engage and switch the topic to DD and some issue you need to deal with. Be polite to everyone, including girlfriend, ex FIL, although not overly friendly. Rise above. I think if you stop feeding ex's need for attention about his new girlfriend (and perhaps new girlfriend's insecurity as well) and just act mature, things will get better. Not everyone comes into things as mature as they should be, but in a situation like this where disengagement is not an option you just need to rise above as long as things are going well for DD.

Good luck -- you sound like an amazing mom and person.