Reply to What's better for the kids - bad marriage or divorce?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A dud marriage where you don't feel connected or in love, but otherwise can be considerate to one another is better for kids than divorce.  But if there is any friction, like regular fighting or worse, divorce generally is better. [/quote]

As a child of divorce, I think the above is the best advice.

A lot of people like to point to longitudinal relationship data for children of divorce for "proof" that staying together for the kids is always better, but I don't think that's nearly as clear as people pretend.  As an adult, I also wound up divorced, but teasing out whether that's because my parents divorced or because they had an awful marriage, is very difficult to do.  I would say that most of my relationship troubles as an adult stemmed from learning really bad, negative patterns from my parents - [i]while they were together[/i].

And as far as learning that divorce was acceptable - my experience left me tending to stay in very broken relationships for far, far too long - tolerant of really bad dynamics.  This means that I stayed married much longer than I probably would have otherwise.

But I think it really depends on the particular relationship - I don't think you can make blanket statements.  [/quote]

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