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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hugs OP. Maybe reframing would help?  Sounds like you are better off without STBX than with him. That may or may not go for his parents as well. Any time spent being sad/mad about something STBX has done is time letting him live in your head for free.  My kids say, Mom, you do you. Spend your time and energy figuring out how to increase your income and lower your expenses so you can get a place to live.  Use your resources including the church. It's hard but you can do it!  Hugs![/quote]

Thank you all sooo much.  This anonymous space has allowed me to share feelings that I just don't want to burden my wonderful (and they are indeed wonderful, and many) friends with.  They've gone through a lot with me, so I'm very conscious about overloading them.  Yes on reframing - which I try to do. I think I'm hitting a wall.  And I don't spend any excess energy being angry at STBX - I'm not angry anymore.  I can't change him, and I don't even ask - except to respect the boundaries regarding our kids.  Sad, not because of him per se,, but for our situation for my kids.  No one wants this for their children.  I try to be careful in how I spend my energy - and most of it is focused on my kids, and myself.  My expenses are really low right now, but so is my income.  But since it's been years since I've held a salaried position (I freelance 20 - 30 hours a week), I'm not so confident in that area.  I've seen headhunters, and applied for jobs, and networked, and I understand that it takes time.  But I have soft skills, and while I know I can be successful, I'm also aware that I'm the one who is going to need to jump out to take a kid to the doc.  So that's not a plus in my column.  That's a bunch of stuff swirling in my brain.

I'm going to table it for today, relish the cozy rainy weather, and hang with my kiddos and wrap presents (all bought at VV and our church bazaar - yay on bargains!).  I hope you all have a wonderful holiday - and when I'm feeling cruddy - i get to come back and re-read all your supportive words.  Seriously, that's going to happen.

Kindness can happen in the most unlikely of places. So thank you for your kindness in this random space.  I needed it.[/quote]

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