Reply to My therapist thinks I need a divorce, and I would rather kill myself than be alone again.

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Reply to "My therapist thinks I need a divorce, and I would rather kill myself than be alone again."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The title of your email refers to killing yourself...and you are actively trying to conceive?!?![/quote]

I would never kill myself - I have too much to live for; I am very fortunate in many ways - I just feel a lot of despair at the moment and feel sometimes that I would like a break from waking up in the morning. I have a wonderful family and couldn't harm them by harming myself.

I spoke with my husband (as I have in the past) and he feels terrible - he's really beating himself up. He wants to go to counseling with me, and also on his own. To be clear - his anger is almost never directed at me, I'm just caught in the crossfire when he loses his shit about other things.

I have been medicated for depression in the past and[b] I really don't like the way it makes me feel. I usually do a good job of managing my mental state by getting exercise and sunshine and generally being kind to myself[/b]. The PP who said it was situational and caused more by my marital strife than losing my baby is probably right. I'm not ready to give up on the marriage.[/quote]

The thing is, what you're currently doing isn't enough to manage this depression.  It may have worked in the past but it's not working now.  Your post screams of someone struggling with a major depressive episode, not situational.  I've taken a number of different anti-depressants and understand how much the side effects can suck. That's why you need to work with a psychiatrist skilled in managing depression.

[/quote]

This. You didn't like how medication made you feel in the past, but you don't like how you feel now. Talk about different meds to your counselor or your regular doctor if you don't have a psychiatrist lined up already. Taking the edge off the depression can give you the mental space to work on your marriage.  it sounds like your husband is willing. Good luck![/quote]

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