Reply to Does anyone have a genuinely good relationship with their parents?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks to all who have responded.  It was especially helpful to hear WHY people felt that their dynamics were positive with their parents.

One difference between DH and me is that I have always known that my family was messed up and not the norm.  There was significant substance abuse that fueled neglect and outright abuse and I could not wait to get out. I did and succeeded.  DH, on the other hand, always thought his family was "normal" and "functional" and it was only well into adulthood that he can see that there was significant dysfunction.  His conversations with his parents are awkward (his wording), infrequent, and unpleasant.  They barely visit each other. Have no hobbies or activities in common, so actual visits are awkward and boring. And most of all, his parents are highly judgmental, don't respect him as an adult, interpret their adult kids' actions in their own life as somehow directly reflecting on them all the time, take things personally, etc.  It's an odd combination of them wanting their kids to cater to them while at the same time doing nothing for the kids.  He walks on eggshells with them. They have never helped him practically or financially and are not emotionally supportive.

I was very surprised when he told me he sees this as the unavoidable norm in adult child-parent relationships.  I'm glad that this is not necessarily the case.[/quote]

PP here who responded this morning about my DH's family who thinks they're close but aren't - I could have written this post of yours.  I honestly think that seeing my family has really shaken DH, who has realized how dysfunctional his family really is, particularly the kid-parent relationships he and his siblings have with their mother and father.  I think it really saddens him now that he realizes this (and also sees that his mom in particular isn't a very nice person).  I just try to be supportive.

I guess I sort of feel like the key to happy relationships is honesty.  You are obviously an introspective person who is thinking about how she wants to parent and how she wants her relationships with her kids to be.  Add honesty to that and I think you can't lose.  Your kids are lucky![/quote]

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