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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - the last few visits have become so outrageous that it caused serious arguments between DH and me. We finally had a talk (not our first, but the most serious) about the issue. That is why this visit will only be 7 days. What I'm saying is this is already as good as it's going to get.

I'm so anxiety-ridden about this that I can't think about anything else. I guess I don't understand how everyone else who has IL problems and whose ILs live out of town deals with visits.  Am I just not thinking about this right? MIL wants to be treated as a guest but simultaneously wants to be in charge. I wish I could take the kids and go away for the week.[/quote]

You are this upset and your DH is siding with his mommy?  You and DH are a team. Your house, your rules.

1) you and DH come up with a plan that will work for both of you. Your marriage comes first.  In-laws, kids, neighbors, bosses, etc come next. 
2) no one tells you when they will visit you and for how long. No. Unless they own your house, they cannot do any more than ask.  They may ask if certain dates and times work but they may not declare.  
3) if you want four days, arrange for four days. "Mil, we're so excited about your visit and look forward to hosting you from date to date. However, we can't have you longer than that this year." When she sputters, you can (or rather, DH - it's his family) either repeat without explanation (your house, your rules) or choose to say something like, "we have prior engagements on the other dates. Therefore we won't be able to accommodate you."  
4) it might be time to make your own nuclear family traditions. You have that right. Extended family is not "owed" certain days. Besides, if mil keeps it up, she may find herself alone on Christmas as you go skiing, too!

DH and I did something similar to #3 when DD2 was born. We sent a super positive email about how excited we were for visitors but couldn't make any definitive plans until xyz. We told everyone we looked forward to having everyone meet the baby when we were ready. I heard mil was pissed, it worked for us and she has been treading carefully for a while now.  [/quote]

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