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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My in-laws and DW's siblings never have any conversation that goes beyond pleasantries and the superficial at family gatherings. The mother and father are divorced and the siblings, who have reduced themselves to over-aged teenagers around their parents, do everything to avoid conflict. At the end of the day, they really don't like each other. At first I thought it was odd (and it is) but now I just sit through the holiday or family event, drink wine, and be grateful I can mind my own business until I get to go home.   [/quote]

Wait -- are you spending time with my in-laws?  I've been married to my husband for almost 20 years and I know nothing about his family as nothing goes beyond the superficial.[/quote]

[b]Doesn't this depress you and make you feel sorry for your kids that have to be around this dysfunction?[/b]  It is such a bad example of how to behave and it also makes for awful holidays.  I used to love Thanksgiving.  I have been dreading it for the past 3 weeks.  I'm so envious of those that are excited and have great plans.  I will go for 3-4 hours, make superficial conversation, compliment MIL on her costco food selections and her lated home goods purchase, and chase my 2 year old who should be napping at 2pm rather than eating a Thanksgiving meal.[/quote]

np. We are in the same situation with DH's family. Everything is superficial nice-nice during get-togethers. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't want the airing of grievances over the Thanksgiving table, but interpersonal tension is never dealt with. It builds.

I don't feel sorry for my kids because they don't know what's going on with the relatives. The dynamic they see is "normal" for family events. There's no ugliness, just no warm fuzzies. For those we have a network of friends and neighbors who we really enjoy seeing and spending time with. The kids have fun together, the adults do too. I know it's corny, but lifelong friends are the family we choose rather than the family we were given.[/quote]

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