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[quote=Cassiopeia][quote=Anonymous][quote=Cassiopeia][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

We met via our daughters.. And she is also in a strange marriage.  [/quote]

Go onnnnnnnn[/quote]

I would prefer not to go into detail... I feel very lucky to have had her in my life for the last 2+ years.  I am a happier person.[/quote]

You're also fooling yourself.[/quote]

Fooling himself how?  I think after two years he knows if he's really happy.

His home life seems so dismal. I honestly don't understand how guys put up with that kind of situation for the sake of their kids. I mean, are you sure it's not at least partially because you still love your wife?  Are you planning to leave when the kids are grown?  To me that seems so much more destructive to everyone involved. I wonder how many guys who say they'll leave when the kids are grown actually do it. [/quote]

He's fooling himself about the quality of the relationship. Even after two years, it's a relationship in secret, while they each carry on their mundane day-to-day lives separately. Sure, someone can be wonderful when you only see them to relax and have sex, without any of the real-life crap that comes with that. If they were to both end the marriages to be together, there's a good chance this relationship would end up just like his marriage, and then it would be all about how she did this and she withheld that and he's a victim, because he has zero self-awareness of his role in the state of his current marriage. Any relationship can be wonderful when you're only together for the good stuff.[/quote]

I see your point, and I know statistically few second marriages survive (I think the divorce rate is like 70%??).  He said he thinks she never loved him, so while there's always blame to go around in relationship problems, in this situation it seems like a basic incompatibility.

I also think that if two people are deeply in love, the real-life crap doesn't matter as much.  Especially if those two people spent years with an avoidant spouse who never showed any affection at all, no hugs, no kissing, let alone sexual desire.  I think two people coming out of marriages like that would hang on for dear life if given the chance to be together honestly.

To me there's being "in love" where you can't get enough of someone, you love their smell, their taste, you want to know everything about them.  The feeling of clicking with someone, of being instantly comfortable.  This is a feeling and it's either there or it isn't.  And then there's long-term love, where it's a choice, you decide to love someone because you know they're a good person, you've judged them to have a good character, they check off the boxes.  I think if after two years this guy is still in love with the OW that a marriage between them would survive.

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