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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Dirtyolsailor][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What caused her to check out?[/quote]

The main issue is that I do not think that she really loved me or had real passion for me when we got married 20+ years ago.  Our sexlife has been sad.  She had never initiated.  It has been 10 years since we had sex.  She never shows any form of affection towards me.  We have been roommates and coparents.  She really checked out after the first child was born and then told me that she wanted another one.  I saw the warning signs but I always thought that she would return to her normal self.  It seems like her normal self is very close to being nonaffectionate towards me and asexual or she just does not love me.

I really enjoy sex but only when I am with someone that I really care about.  My AP is amazing and together we are amazing.  We are in our forties and feels like we are in our twenties... The last twenty years have been sexually dry for both of us.[/quote]

Maybe she checked out because you were a lousy husband.  If you were not, you are now.  If you were a decent man, you would have left the ,a triage to date, not cheat.  [/quote]

Or maybe it's nearly impossible for two people to fully satisfy other's every sexual need, forever.  Statistics back this up pretty well, and I did not say it never happens,  Other cultures understand this and that's why they allow for discreet affairs.  Our Puritan ancestors have condemned us to a devils choice of frustration or shame.  And if you are a person with a low sex drive, the power behind these feelings is incomprehensible to you.[/quote]

Based on what people write on this board... There are people with low sex drives that are fine with having sex one a month... And there are people that are more asexual that see no need for sex or any sign affection and might have sex once every so many years...  Neither are normal based on social norms...

So what happens when you find someone and you wait to have sex until you are married.. After you get married, you find out that you new spouse is either asexual or has a low sex drive...  Who's fault is that?  They want to believe in the institution of marriage... So they stayed married with the hope that the other person will become "normal"...  The low sex drive/asexual spouse gets interested in having children... And the coue starts having sex on a normal basis... The normal spouse starts to think wow... They are now normal... But then sex drops off after the baby is conceived...   The normal spouse is then trapped because they don't want to leave their child.  Who is the victim?

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