Reply to Considering Divorce

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Considering Divorce"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Leave if you must, but not for someone else.  You will lose your integrity, and your DD will eventually find out and lose respect for you.  It will create a difficult family dynamic that will make her life difficult for decades.

Divorced parenting is a huge hassle and a grind for years and years.  You will have no control over who your ex dates and how they treat your daughter.  You will be splitting up time with your daughter, but also your future grandchildren-- I know it seems a long time away, but my own parents are really struggling with that aspect of their divorce.  Divorce casts a long shadow.

There's no guarantee that you'll find chemistry and passion even if you do get divorced.  Divorce is the price children pay for their parents' chance at happiness, and it's an even more painful burden to bear if the parents don't end up happy.[/quote]

Would not leave for someone else.  That's not the plan.

Appreciate what you are saying about the long shadow.  Fear of that is what's keeping me here for now.[/quote]

I'm the PP here.  Glad you understand what I am getting at-- a lot of people believe that the divorce only imposes negative consequences while their child is a minor, and then blow it off with the old cliche "children are resilient", which is used to justify all kinds of self-serving choices.  Then they are surprised when the fallout goes on for the rest of their lives.  Personally, I believe that the worst part of my parents' divorce is yet to come-- when my parents are elderly and relying on me for care, unable to help each other as a married couple would, and never did find that passionate soul mate that most divorcing people seem to think is waiting to walk into their life.

It's not about staying together "for the kids," but because you have a child you might prefer to stay married for your own sake, if you consider the long-term consequences.  Divorce just replaces one set of problems with another.  It doesn't have to be about fear, though, it's just a decision to choose one thing over another. It's not unreasonable to choose to stay together in a low-conflict partnership, after taking a realistic look at what divorced family life would actually be like.  And the research is very clear that this is not any more harmful to children than divorce.

I say, make the effort to fall in love after marriage, like people in arranged marriages do.  It might work, it might not, but at least you will be able to look your daughter in the eye and tell her you did everything you could.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics