Reply to When did you decide it was time for an affair and did it help your marriage?

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Reply to "When did you decide it was time for an affair and did it help your marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wife here.  My DH could have written the OP.  I love him.  I would not want a life without him.  But I don't like sex.  I don't like fishing either.  He goes fishing without me.

If DH had an affair and it was truly just sex, I'd be okay with it.  I would just never want to know about it.  Of course, in my heart I would know but I would hope he would follow a don't ask, don't tell policy.  It would probably help our marriage in that he would get his desires met and I wouldn't feel pressure to do something I'm not interested in.  The issue is that relationships are rarely just sex and I would have an issue if it became more than just sex.[/quote]

OP here.  I am sure it is wishful thinking but a part of me wonders whether my DW would understand if I had a purely sexual affair.  She knows I am unhappy with sexual aspects - we have discussed it ad nauseum and frankly I am sick of making her feel bad about it.  Our marriage otherwise works, so it seems so pointless to toss aside an otherwise healthy marriage just for lack of sex.  She tells me all the time how much she loves me and how much she wishes she could be in the mood more but then we go a month without sex and the resentment overflows.

As a caveat, I can compartmentalize sex and emotions.  But then again, seeing the other responses, I can see how bad it can go if discovered.  Thanks for feedback.[/quote]

[b]Why don't you just say, "I've been considering having sex with another woman. How do you feel about that?"[/quote][/b]

OP here.  I have been hesitant to bring up the open relationship issue because I would have thought that would heighten her radar for me cheating and if I cheat I really don't want to get caught.  I would, however, be totally fine with an open relationship, i.e. both of us getting sex met outside of relationship.  Our best friends had gotten into swinging and they divorced a year later leaving small kids in the middle, so my DW has commented on several occasions that she sees extra-marital sex as not worth the risk.

Thanks for the feedback, it is really appreciated.[/quote]

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